Infinitesimal

2003-09-16T21:46:00.001-04:00

2003-09-16T21:46:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back from vacation. It was possibly the best vacation I've been on, barring the fact that my brother annoyed the hell out of everyone at all times. I promised Richard I'd draw some comics of our adventures so expect something along those lines sometime in the nearish future from me.

I:

Went to Ohio

Visited the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

Drooled over John Lennon's glasses

Got lost in Cleveland

Ate way too much fast food

Got bit on the ass by a tame deer at a petting zoo

Visited the Toledo Zoo and watched a hippo consume it's own feces (fun!)

Went to a Merry-Go-Round museum and rode the Carousel (wee!)

Rode through Michigan in order to go to Detroit so that we could visit Canada

Got harrassed by Canadian Customs

Got lost in Canada

Got harrassed by U.S. Customs

Went to see Marci X

Took photos of anything and everything

Went to Cedar Point, the best place on Earth!

Rode ten coasters in two days

Rode Millenium Force (I can die happy now)

Went to Gravity Hill, PA...which was more like Gravity Miniscule Incline Located In The Backwoods Mountains If I Hear A Bango I'm Outta Here, PA

Was never more glad to be back home (and away from my brother)

Ah, so many great memories. *sigh* Goodtimes. :)

Oh, by the by, I'll be moving over to lj because Anne has so I must follow. Or something. ^_^ Here's the link.

2003-09-01T12:14:00.001-04:00

Work was ok yesterday. I bought a new hat. Go me.

After work I hung out with Richard and Greg at Greg's place. He cracks me up. I told Richard that Greg is like a one man party, where ever Greg is, there's sure to be a party. Or at least a lot of drama. *g*

I stayed out pretty late last night (what was it, one thirty or something?) so I slept in this morning (well, not really, I was up at eight) and missed going shopping with my mom. I watched the VMA's that Shane had recorded. I was impressed by Coldplay. They sound great live. But, damn my mom. I wanted to go shopping. That ho. She slept in all late and stuff. I went to bed later than her. She's more lazy than I am. That pisses me off. I really want to go shopping and get some bargains but nooooo, stupid wench. Whatever.

Jason's supposed to be calling me soon. We're going over his cousin's house for food. She's a vegetarian, but I'm telling ya, they better have some dead meat or I'm throwing a fit and coming home. (Well, not really.) I really really really don't want to go. I don't want to go and be social with those people. Especially since I'm still kinda pissed at Jason because he doesn't realize how much he hurt my feelings the other night. Uncaring bastard.

I have so much to do to get ready for the trip and I have hardly any time. Wah. I hope we're not out long today. *grumbles about stupid family get togethers* I fucking hate holidays. I really do.

/edit/

My brother is on my last fucking nerve. Seriously.

My friends and I planned this whole trip and made all the arrangements and everything. Then Shane gets pissed cuz we planned it without him and invites himself along for the ride because 'it was his idea'. Yeah....last fucking year it was his idea and we never went because he's a lazy ass and never makes any plans. So, we said fuck him and made our own plans. I'm trying to get some things together for the trip and he's just getting on my nerves. He won't lift a finger to help with anything! He just expects us to do everything while he sits on his duff. Well, fuck him. We're doing what we want on this trip and if he doesn't like it then we can drop his off on the side of the road somewhere. Fucking leech.

2003-08-30T10:48:00.000-04:00

I talked to Greg last night on the phone for a long time and I feel a lot better now. He says Richard and him want me to hang out with them today but I sorta have plans with Jason, so I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

Today I want to:

Talk to Jason and get things resolved.

Go up to the flarmers market and secretly photograph the amish there.

Go to Fort Howard to take loverly photographs.

Go to Walmart (or Best Buy) and get more memory sticks for my camera.

Hopefully today will be a lot better than yesterday. And you know what? I've decided that even if Jason and I break up (eventually), even if it turns out these last three and a half years were nothing but a waste of time, I'm not going to be upset dammit.

He's so fucking psycho sometimes. We're not compatible? Why the fuck have we been going out for three and a half years for then? Just because I do some little thing that annoys him we're not compatible? You know, the problem lies with him, not me. I mean no one is one hundred percent compatible. Then you'd just be dating yourself and that would be boring. He pisses me off so much sometimes. I don't think he realizes how much he hurts me when he acts like that. *sigh*

I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. Because I've got one hellava vacation coming up and I'm going to enjoy dammit. He's not going to ruin my good time. Fuck him.

Anne, thanks for the hug. :)

2003-08-29T23:04:00.000-04:00

Some days I really hate my life. This is one of them.

Jason makes me feel like I'm a bad person. I don't think he means to do it on purpose but it doesn't matter, it happens anyway. I'm so upset right now that I keep thinking about killing myself. Don't worry, I wouldn't ever. I'm too much of a chicken to go through with it. But thinking about it makes me feel better. Praying to God to let me please die now makes me feel better too.

I don't know what happened. We went to the movies and had a great time. Greg kept calling on my cell during the movie so I finally turned it off. When we got out of the movie I pulled out my phone to call Greg back to see what he wanted. He wasn't home so I left a message and then tried to check my voicemail only for some reason it wouldn't let me. Jason made some smart comment and I told him to shut up. Finally I got my voicemail to work and got my messages from Greg. Nothing life threatening so I was relieved (you just never know with him.) Jason was really cold to me the whole way home. He wouldn't talk to me. I kept asking if he was mad and he said no. When I went to kiss him goodnight he turned his cheek to me instead. It hurt so bad to be treated like that. I felt so small. Like a fucking insect or something repulsive. When I told him I loved him he said ok, see ya later. I felt so horrible. I must have done something wrong, right? It must have been me because he was fine one minute and then he wasn't so it has to be me, right? Something is really fucked up with me, right?

So, I called him at home a little while later. He said he feels like sometimes we're not compatible. He says this a lot. I asked him what brought it on this time. He said cuz I must not have a good time with him if I have to call Greg soon as we get out of the movies. I told him he misinterpreted that, he says not. Whatever. He's always right, I'm always wrong. But, I don't want to lose him. I don't want to be without him. I don't want to be by myself again. And it hurts thinking about it. It hurts thinking that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I've tried to be the person he wants. I try so hard. I don't know what else to do. He says he doesn't want me to change but then lists all this stuff about me that annoys him. He says he's not mad at me but that sometimes he feels like we're just friends and not a real couple because we don't act like other couples do. He likes to make out in public, I don't. Excuse me if I have some sense of modesty motherfucker. So what if I don't want to be groped in public? I don't think thats such a big fucking deal. Sometimes I think I want to break up but I don't want to be without him either. Then I won't have anyone.

I've never had someone tell me they love me until Jason. And I don't know what I'd do without that anymore.

2003-08-26T17:46:00.000-04:00

It feels like it's been forever since I blogged but it's only been a few days. I guess it's just because so much has happened.

Work has been driving me up the wall. I swear I almost broke down in tears today. I kept jokingly telling everyone that I was going to go home and commit ritual suicide. Gah. I am SO glad that I'll be on vacation next week. And the week after that. XD

The trip to Cedar Point is coming up really fast. I can't wait. I think we'll have a great time. Of course my brother is going and he can be a major pain in the ass (he invited himself along). We can always ditch him on the side of the road somewhere in Ohio if he gets on our nerves too much. ^_~

There are so many things that I want to do during my week off after the trip. I doubt I'll get to any of it. That's usually how things work out.

The Maryland Rennaisance Festival is open now. I'm excited. Jason and I are planning to go the weekend after the Cedar Point weekend. And it just so happens that that weekend is Scottish weekend! *dances around thinking about guys in kilts* I'm taking my camera dammit. XD

2003-08-22T14:32:00.000-04:00

I'm sooo glad I have off work today. I've been spending most of the day working on a photo manip which I posted up at dev. art.

I'm supposed to be hanging out with Jason tonight. I'll be happy to spend time with him, of course, but I feel like I have so much stuff to do and I only have until five thirty to get it done because then we'll be together. I just don't really want to be with anyone today. I want to relax by myself.

Care Bear is back from the cruise. Jason and I stopped over her house last night. She bought me a Hello Kitty doll from Epcot Center in Florida. She's so cute! She's in a kimono and just the most adorable little stuffed animal ever! *coos in delight*

I went to walmart and got two new barbies for my collection. Princess of the Vikings and Princess of Japan. They are both ubercool and now I must reorganize my shelf again.

Jason, Care Bear and I went out to White Marsh to go shopping. Care Bear said she had been deprived of anime for the past two weeks and was in need of a fix so we took her to the anime store. I was wearing the Furuba shirt that Jason bought me and the girl in the store loved it so we got to talking about anime a bit. Care Bear bought nothing but I got the OST's for Haibane Renmei (which I had been looking for) and Wolf's Rain. Wee.

We also stopped at Ikea and I molested my chair for a bit. I want that chair so bad. I'm seriously considering getting rid of my bed. Maybe when I get back from Ohio I'll redo my bedroom.

So much stuff...gah.

Oreo cookies good. Fire bad. XD *hands ki-chan an oreo*

Oh, and this one's for Charles: STEAK AND POTATOS! STEAK AND POTATOS! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

2003-08-20T00:28:00.000-04:00

*munch munch munch*

I love you Oreo cookie.

*munch munch munch*

2003-08-15T18:49:00.000-04:00

I'm getting ready to go out to dinner with Dawn. Jason doesn't want to hang today. Oh well.

My parents are eating steamed crabs for dinner. I don't really like crabs that much. Most people around here gasp in shock and horror when I say that, being a Baltimore native and all that, but I just don't care. Screw them.

I still feel depressed. I don't know what to do really, but for now I'm going to hang out with Dawn and try to feel better.

Work was crazy today and that didn't really help matters. I'm going insane from that place.

I can't wait for my vacation to come in September.

2003-08-14T23:32:00.000-04:00

I feel really depressed lately. I don't know why. I think it's just a funk I'm in or something. I get happy for moments but theres always this underlying sad feeling. It kinda feels like I should be doing something incredibly important but I can't remember what it is and I feel guilty for it...I don't think that's whats happened, it just feels that way.

Well, a bright spot. The Ikea catalogue came the other day and my chair was in there! I got all excited and showed my mom. She wasn't as excited as I was.

I don't feel like dealing with work. The place is pissing me off. Some people that work there *coughTheresacough* really need to to bring thier short little ass down from thier high horse. Bitch. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Gah.

I was sick Tuesday and stayed home from work. I don't know why, but I didn't have any appetite at all. It could be related to *that* time of the month, I guess. It was especially brutal this time around.

When I went into work yesterday afternoon I couldn't breathe right for some reason. I was really short of breath and kept wheezing. Keith kept asking me if I was ok. At one point he said I had lost all color and my nose was turning blue. I felt that way for about five hours and then I started feeling better. Now I feel fine, pretty much. I don't know what the hell that was all about.

2003-08-12T16:34:00.000-04:00

Gah. I'm sick today so I stayed home from work. So...tired.

The con was great but not as much fun as I'd hoped it be. I guess it just wasn't the same without Carrie. She always shops with me and encourages me to buy tons of stuff. *sniff*

Through half the convention I kept getting ditched by my boyfriend (and for a while it seemed as if Richard and them kept skipping out on me as well, but I understand that they had other things they wanted to do.) Jason kept leaving me to go do other things so I spent a lot of time with myself. I got really upset and started feeling depressed. (It doesn't take much.) On Saturday I got into a huge argument with him on the phone as I was coming upstairs from the dealers room with Richard and all. I screamed like a banshee and threw my phone to the ground in a fit of rage. Basically, I looked like I was insane (which I'm sure is what my friends thought at the time.) *sigh* Then I called him back and made him eat his own words. I tried to make him understand why I was so upset but he doesn't listen. He calls me insane but he has these preconceived notions in his head...if anyone is fucked up, it's him. *nods firmly* So, we made up (sorta) and the rest of the con we had a pretty good time.

I didn't really take any pictures because I'm too shy to go up to strangers and ask for thier picture. ^^;;;

Despite all that, the con did have it's good moments:

I got to meet Sophie and Kim. Wee! I got glomped!

MAT3000 was hilarious, even more so than last year.

I bought several anime dvd's I needed for my collection and a few manga and also some new pins! (I got Yuki and Tohru and Kyou and told my boyfriend I was gonna make them have a threesome, hehehehe....*sigh*)

I got to see Loki! He's cuuuuute! And Ultra Maniac! It's hilarious! *must get more*

I went to the AMV panel and met cool people that make AMV's! And during the AMV screening two AMV creator's whose videos were in the contest sat next to Jason and I. That was kinda neat. (The guy who made the one with the dogs and the guy who made the Escaflowne one to 'Glory of Love'.) There were so many great and creative videos in the contest this year, I don't know if I'll ever be that good. (Which reminds me...Richard, I have a proposition for you...don't forget to remind me.)

I watched several great movies. They played Battle Royale! Of course, I'd already seen it four times so I didn't go, although it would have been fun. There were lots of cosplayers dressed as Battle Royale peeps. Heh. They were so cool.

Talked Jason into watching J-Rock videos and was surprised at the amount of songs I knew.

I ate at Hooters with my friends and found myself in a discussion as to whether or not Hooters Girls wear underwear. Then found myself staring at random Hooters Girls' asses in an attempt to discover the truth. Of course, then I said to myself, 'Hello, Lisa, why are you staring at other girls' butts?' and stopped myself. Eheh. ^^;;; We had a good time though.

Well, that was pretty much my weekend. I felt much better at the end of it, although a little sad that the con was over.

Sunday I watched the latest three dvd's of CCS I got. Wah. It's too damn cute!

Yesterday I marathoned the whole first season set of Sailor Moon that I bought pretty much all day long. 46 eps. seems like a lot but when you fast forward all the stupid monster fights and transformations it goes by pretty fast. ^___^

Mee-imouto! *hugs* Don't worry about me, just concentrate on getting better!

2003-08-08T08:15:00.000-04:00

Getting ready to leave for the con. Won't be back til Sunday.

2003-08-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

Got back from picking up my stuff at the con. Officially things start tomorrow but those that preregistered could pick thier stuff up toningt. We had to wait in a line that snaked half way around the building for about two hours. Ah well.

I'm excited. They are showing a lot of cool stuff this year. Can't wait for tomorrow! Wee!

2003-08-07T17:22:00.000-04:00

Listening to Jebus. Wee.

Getting ready for Otakon. I'm excited, but nervous also. I always get nervous, don't know why.

I need to get a bag from somewhere to pack my stuff in. Damn my cleaning! I threw out my bookbag in a fit of getting rid of things. *sigh*

Hmm. I still need to make my shopping list.

*hugs mee-imouto* Hope you get better real fast, imouto-chan.

2003-08-06T12:27:00.000-04:00

Discovered a band called 'Jebus' the other day when I was on the band shoot. On the road in Essex I noticed a sticker on the back of a car that said 'jebustheband.com' so I checked out the website yesterday. They have a neat sound. I like.

Last night it stormed again. This time I managed to capture some lightning shots with my digital camera. Wee. I put them up at deviant art.

D called this afternoon. She said she wanted to see how I was doing since she hadn't heard from me in a while. Then she asked if she could borrow some money from me. I asked her how much money we were talking about and she said however much I'm willing to lend her. Sounds fishy to me. I told her I'd think about it. I don't like lending money to people.

Off to work now. Oh joy.

2003-08-05T19:52:00.000-04:00

Work was ok today. I pretty much stayed over in the Home Fashions dept and worked on bringing things up from the stockroom. At one point Keith came by and said he loved the display of sheets I put out. Yay, I'm a sheet genius. Woo.

Right now I'm listening to the soundtrack from Selena. I love that movie. I cry every time I watch it.

I'm getting ready to watch my Tuesday night lineup of shows. Wee.

I work night tomorrow. I hate working night. Ah well, at least I usually only have to do it once a week. And I get to be Manager On Duty tomorrow from 5-close so that means I get to walk around the store with a clipboard and tell everyone what to do. That's always fun. Gotta look at the bright side things.

2003-08-03T17:25:00.000-04:00

Saturday's photo shoot with Mr. Black was a success. Yay. Now all I have to do is mess around in photoshop a bit with a few of the pics and then burn everything to disc for the guys. Fun.

Jason and Richard came over last night to watch Red Dwarf. Unfortunately I pooped out kinda early (about six or seven episodes into the marathon.) I guess it was because we started late and I was also tired from waking up early in the morning. Ah well.

We are having the strangest weather today. It's like we are right smack dab in between two thunderstorms. It storms, then clears up, then storms, then clears up...very annoying. I did get a couple cool shots of the clouds though. I'll probably post them up at devart later.

I haven't really done anything all day except lay on my derrier and watch tv. Heck, I didn't even get up until noon. It felt good though.

There really is a lot that I'm supposed to be doing: go through all anime related stuff and make a shopping list for Otakon, burn pics to disc for the band, clean my room. Bleeh. I don't feel like doing anything, though.

2003-07-31T18:18:00.000-04:00

Despite the hecticness of work, things have been going pretty well lately. Almost too well. I keep having this feeling that something is about to go horribly wrong. Gah. Let's hope I'm not psychic.

2003-07-31T00:07:00.000-04:00

*curses*

Sometimes things really piss me off.

2003-07-29T22:48:00.000-04:00

Richard...damn you. I'm addicted to 'Two Weeks Notice'. I can't stop listening to it. It's just so damn chipper. Wee! Tell Ken the part with the missing pens cracks me up.

Anywho, on to other things.

Work...let's not even go there. ^^;;; (By the by, Mee-imouto, I think you're correct. I've been working way too hard lately. Thank goodness I have vacation time coming up.)

Something out of the ordinary happened to me today. I was checking my email and there was this email from this girl that said she really liked my writing. (Well, she said a whole bunch of stuff but it boiled down to that. ) I was kinda surprised because I don't really consider myself a great writer, only average. I mean, I can tell a story adequetly enough but I don't really have a good style of writing that marks a story as my own. There's just so many things that I want to improve about my writing skills, I guess. But of course, practice makes..well, not perfect but a lot better than before. ^_^

I'm really looking forward to photographing the band. I'm thinking of all kinds of interesting things I could do to make intersting shots. I can't wait for Saturday. Hopefully everything will go as planned.

Hrm. Well, I'm off before I start ranting about the hell that is Sears Eastpoint again.

2003-07-28T19:30:00.000-04:00

Work was pretty ok today, I guess. Or maybe I'm just too tired to bitch about anything.

Talked to Richard yesterday. The band has a little website now with a couple of songs on it. Here's the link. I notice a distinct Talking Heads influence. Hee. I like. Wee, music. Also, I might be going to photograph the band this weekend. I'm kinda excited about that because I want to use my new camera.

2003-07-27T11:41:00.000-04:00

Well, I ended up coming home from work about an hour early yesterday because I wasn't feeling well. I was lightheaded and kept feeling like I was going to get sick but I think it was in part due to the heat and in part due to the fact that I didn't eat any real food. (I don't think a vanilla milkshake and beef jerky qualify as 'meal' material.)

Anywho.

I'm getting ready to leave for work again. Only a six hour day today. Woo-hoo. Yippie skippy. (that was sarcasm, folks)

At least I have plenty of coverage in the department today so that I can get some things done. I think I'll work in Home fashions all day. There's plenty of things that need to get done over there. Plus Joyce works today and she can help me. Plus Jonathan was getting on my nerves about HF yesterday. 'Why are these blankets on the aisle, it's July for pete's sake! Why are these bedspreads on the aisle? Do you actually sell any of this crap? Where are your exceptional value sheets? They should sell real well, you should put them on the aisle. What's up with these pillow bins? This is a waste of space.' Grrrrr. Shut the fuck up. If you wanna do my job, come and do it asshole. Otherwise, get the hell off of my back. Like I'm going to move the whole dept. around on a whim. Not like he doesn't have a lot of valid points but a) I hardly ever have the chance to work over in HF b) I can't very well go moving stuff like that around without discussing it with the ISM team first. Goodness knows I don't want to be stepping on thier toes. I'll never hear the end of it. *sigh*

High-Ho, High-Ho.....

2003-07-26T12:45:00.000-04:00

Figured I'd do a quick post before heading off to work for the day. (waaaah! i don't wanna go!)

Awhile ago Jason had discovered this Japanese movie called Battle Royale that he wanted to see. I downloaded it for him but he bought it, along with two other movies, off of ebay anyway. Battle Royale was weird but I liked it anyway, in part because of the weirdness.

Anywho, Jason let me borrow the other movies he got and I watched one this morning. It's called Suicide Circle. Now, when Jason lent it to me he said it's the kind of movie that at the end of it you go, 'WTF???'. Then he said he's beginning to realize a lot of Japanese movies are like that, to which I said most of the ones (those being strange horror movies) I've seen have been. Well, let me tell you, 'WTF???' is an understatement for this movie. It's got some great blood and gore, if you're into those things. It manages to make suicide seem dreadfully awful yet happy at the same time...don't ask me how it just does. It's quite possible one of the most fucked up things I've ever seen. Even more fucked up than Battle Royale. Hmm. I can't decide if I liked it or not.

Bleh. Gotta go to work in a few minutes. I really really really don't want to go. I need a fucking vacation dammit. *cries* I'm going to have a meltdown soon, I know it. I had to fight the urge to call out sick today and spend the day vegging around the house instead. Maggie, our temp OM, had a freak out session the second morning of inventory and Keith wound up sending her home early. I think she was having some sort of stress induced panic attack. Dammit, I've been working just as much as her. I deserve to have a stress induced panic attack and get sent home! Er..not that that would be a good thing but at least I'd get out of work for the day. WAAAH! I don't wanna go!!!!! I really don't. And next week we're supposed to be getting a visit from our new District manager so Keith wants everything to look great so that we can make a good impression and I don't have another day off until next Friday and I don't think I can take this anymore because it's one thing after another that's going on and I need some time off before I freak the fuck out and totally go berserk and have a mental meltdown like Maggie did right in front of everyone! *breathes*

#@Q$@!#@!#@!#
$#@%$#%$#%
$#@$#@%$#
$#%$#^%$&^$#%#$R#@

There. That seemed to help a bit.

2003-07-25T17:02:00.000-04:00

Finally, a day off! If I was at all atheletic I'd be doing cartwheels right now but since I'm not I'll just settle for a whoop whoop.

Mom and I went to see Pirates this morning. Wee. It was my second time seeing it and gosh how I love that movie. Not only is it an entertaining little flick, but Johnny Depp is hot. Even all dirty and with a nasty looking like a bird's nest hair do...yeah, he's still got it. Plus, he's so hilarious the way he plays the character, it's worth going to see it just for that. Mmmm.

Anywho, we had a good time. Then we stopped at BK on the way home and got chicken club sandwiches cuz I am SO addicted to them. Dammit, I keep saying I'm going to go on a diet but it never seems to happen. ^^;;

Getting excited about Otakon. I can't believe it's only two weeks away. Wee.

I went to my savings bank and deposited all my loose change I had saved up and rolled the other day. I'm actually beginning to get quite a little nest egg. Now, if only I can get these last couple credit cards paid off I'd feel much better. It'll happen. I just worry because I have so much stuff coming up in the second half of the year that I'll probably spend lots of money on; Otakon, tirp to Cedar Point, bro's b-day, Mom's b-day, Jason's b-day, Christmas. Gah. Oh well. Maybe I'll just cheap out and not get anyone anything this year. I really should start buying presents now. I know it seems crazy but this is the time. Everything is on clearance really cheap...hmm. Yeah, add shopping to my list of things to do.

Which reminds me, I need to go shopping for myself. The new barbies have started coming out and I have to get them. Rawr.

I took the Cheech outside in the back yard and attempted to photograph him but he hates the camera pointing at him so it was really hard. Darn uncooperative subjects. I'll probably post some of the pic's up at deviantart later.

2003-07-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

Damn. And I thought I was tired yesterday...

Only got about four hours of sleep last night cuz I was so tired I had a major headache which in turn kept me from falling asleep. ^^;;;

The first day of inventory went pretty smoothly though. They finished the entire stockroom and all of the women's dept. So really the only dept. they have left to do of mine is Home Fashions. Wee. Of course, I'll probably end up staying til whenever tomorrow because, hell, it's overtime. Hee. Yay. I worked ten hours today so I'm already up to thirty hours for the week and I still have two more days to work. Yes! Money for the con. And also for the trip to Cedar Point.

I downloaded a bunch of punk covers of songs yesterday when I got home. Most of them are pretty good. I especially like the one of Bye Bye Bye. I forget which group it is though. ^^;;; Well, as tired as I am I can barely think straight anyway.

Guess I'll go before I collapse onto the keyboard...

2003-07-22T19:51:00.000-04:00

I'm. So. Tired.

You know, I just realized a couple of days ago that not only am I working twelve straight days with overtime but then I only have one day off and then I work six days in a row again because it's my weekend to work this weekend. *cries* WAH!

Inventory starts tomorrow. I have to be at work by six in the morning. I'm usually up til two so...yeah. ^^;;; But, two days and it'll all be over. *sigh* I hope things go ok. I don't wanna get up six! *whines*

2003-07-20T22:33:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling off somehow. I don't know if it's depression or just pure exhaustion from lack of sleep and overwork. *sigh*

I watched a cute romantic movie on ABC family. It had Patrick Dempsey in it so I guess that's why I watched it. I've had a bit of a crush on him since the eighties. ^^;;;

I think I'm just really tired. My body wants to sleep but I don't want to sleep. There's so much I have to do...I don't have time to sleep. Wah!

And, I think some of the people that work in the stockroom at work are mad at me. Everyone says not to take it personally but I can't help it. I feel awful when people are mad at me. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so miserable.

I feel restless too. Like there's something in the back of my head that wants to get out...some idea or something, but I'm too tired to remember what it is.

*sigh*

Last night I was going to go to sleep early but I was flipping channels and caught the very end of Gone With the Wind. God how I love that movie. Scarlett is such a bitch to Rhett, I always wondered how he could stand her for so long. I almost feel bad for her at the end but really she was lucky he put up with her crap for that long. One day I'm really going to have to sit down and read the book. One of my friends said it's really good.

Anywho, after that was over there was some Bette Davis movie on TCM. It was 1939 night or something and they were playing movies that were made that year. So, I like Bette Davis and decided to watch that movie. It was called The Old Maid. It was good. I love old movies. They don't make them like that anymore. The acting was so totally different than how acting is now days. And the stories so different. This movie took place during the civil war. Bette Davis played a woman that was in love with her cousin's old beau. Well, apparently he had left her cousin without a trace for two years, the cousin moved on and on her wedding day the beau returns and is of course crushed when he finds out that she's marrying someone else. Bette Davis' character, Charlotte, decides to go after him and then, after they spend the night together, he leaves for the war where he later dies. She has his illegitimate daughter in secret and hides her identitiy by running a home for war orphans. Well, later she's engaged to the cousin's husband's brother. The cousin finds out about the child and they are afraid to tell her fiance because it would be a huge scandel. Well, basically Charlotte and her daughter move in with her cousin and her children where she is raised as a foundling. She sees the cousin as a mother and calls her real mother Aunt Charlotte, never knowing the truth. The end of it was really bittersweet. I was all crying at two in the morning watching it.

*sigh* I need a life.

Maybe I'll actually go to bed early if there's nothing interesting on tv.

2003-07-17T01:38:00.000-04:00

I'm exhausted, but I guess that's to be expected at one a.m.

Work was tiring today. Soon as I got there Keith asked to see me in Maggie's office. They told me that since I'm such a good worker and there's so much that needs to be done they'll allow me to have overtime for this week and next week because of inventory. They said I'm the only one allowed to have overtime and so I can't let anyone else know because really NO ONE is EVER supposed to have overtime. I told Keith I wished he would have told me that yesterday because then I would have stayed longer than four and a half hours. ^^;;;

So, my last day off was Saturday and my next day off will probably be next Friday. This Friday and Sunday are supposed to be off days for me but now I'm going to be working. Oh well, at least I get paid time and a half. Lord knows I could use the money.

I keep droning on and on about work but there's really not much else going on for me right now. Just work work and more friggin work.

I had some clutz attacks when I was working in the stockroom the last two days. I almost fell off of a ladder, I ran over my foot with a rolling rack full of clothes, I nearly twisted my ankle three times and I sliced open my finger with a pair of scissors. All in all, not too shabby. At least I haven't seriously injured myself yet.

I felt a little tickle in my throat this morning. I hope I'm not getting sick. I can't afford to be sick right now. I have too much stuff going on.

Before work today I fiddled around with my new camera. I took a couple pictures of my cat Cheech but he got camera shy after the first shot and kept turning away from me so it was hard to get more shots in. Damn him. He's such a spoiled brat.

My mom told me that Dad was talking about getting more cats. He said something about getting two little brothers for Cheech to play with, because you can't just buy one cat apparently. *rolls eyes* Mom pointed out to Dad that getting two new cats probably wouldn't be a good idea. Cheech is hard to get along with (Serena and him barely tolerated each other) and he also loves to get attention so he'd probably flip out if we got new cats and he suddenly wasn't in the center of it all anymore. Ah well. I can't really think about getting new cats right now anyway. I'm still missing my Rena Bean. I was thinking this morning that I'd make a picture album of her to remember her by. I have so many pictures of her after all, I might as well do something with them.

Oh, and before I forget, I found out tonight from Greg that my brother has been using my AIM screen name to mess with some of my friends. I know he messed with you, Richard, but I don't know for sure who else he's been messing with. I haven't been on AIM a lot lately so if I have IM'ed you within the past week it wasn't me but that buttlicker of a brother I have. Just wait til the next time I see him...*growls* He is in for a major ass whoopin'.

2003-07-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

Went to work for four and a half hours this morning. I feel like I got a lot done but there is still so much more that I have to do before next Wednesday and today I got volunteered to do even more. I don't know why but Maggie asked me to be in charge of pre-inventorying the fashions that are stored in the ceiling in the stockroom. They are all Men's and Children's fashions and last time I checked Karen was in charge of that area, not I. Hmm. And even though Latoya is here this year (last year she was out on maternity leave) I'm still getting stuck doing everything. Honestly, I don't think she's done a damn thing. She said I have to draw the maps and that's not fair dammit. Last year I got stuck doing every damn thing because she wasn't there and even though she's here now I still get stuck doing everything. Oh well. At least the store manager sees how hard of a worker I am. It will pay off in the end. I hope.

Right now I'm watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Bravo. Heh. Its so funny. I love gay men. They are like Pokemon to me, I want to collect them all. Of course, I wouldn't want to live with a gay man. So much drama. But I do so find them amusing. Oh my God. This show is so funny. I keep cackling. And anyone that knows me, knows the force of my cackle.

Anywho.

Gah. There's so much stuff I have to do around here. I need more time and more motivation. Or just more motivation. Or even just a little bit of motivation. Yeah.

I'm excited because the trip to Cedar Point is actually going to happen this year. Greg is going to make hotel reservations. It was funny because he kept trying to insist we get the room with the king size bed and the hot tub instead of the room with two full size beds. I pointed out that since we know at least three of us (Greg, Richard and I) are going then it might be a good idea to have a little bit more bed space. *rolls eyes* We're going to have a lot of fun, though. Sixteen rollercoasters, plus other rides. Antiquing. Shopping. Visiting museums. Going swimming. Wee. I can't wait. Only two months. Two very little months. Short months. Yup.

2003-07-15T00:53:00.000-04:00

*hugs Sakura and eve-kun* Thanks you guys. Much love to ya.

I'm feeling much better about Serena. I think that kind of pain never goes away, it just lessens over time. It's still pretty fresh but I'm trying not to think about it so much.

I was so busy this past weekend. Jason and I hung out for almost three straight days. We went to two movies, bought my camera, watched the entire first season of Strangers With Candy (his idea, not mine...although I must confess I found the stupidity of the show rather amusing, which I think is the whole point of it...), went to see a minor league baseball game and went out to eat a couple of times. Plus, I somehow managed to squeeze in reading a book inbetween all of that and a five hour shift at work Sunday night from six to eleven.

Ok, so really I cheated because last night I never went to bed when I came home from work and instead stayed up all night reading. I finished the book at five this morning just as my father's alarm clock was going off. Good thing I worked a night shift tonight. Actually, I didn't manage to get more than a couple hours of sleep so I really don't know why I haven't collapsed from sheer exhaustion yet. Tomorrow I go in for a four hour shift in the morning. So, I guess I can catch up on my sleep in the afternoon. Heh.

Work has been sucky. Everyone is freaking out because inventory is next week and we are no where near ready for it. Gah. So we are all working our asses off to get things up to par. Even though I'm working forty hours this week I only managed to get one day off. I hate that. I want more days off. Wah.

That's ok, I have time off coming up next month for Otakon. Wee!

Oh, and Rob managed to screw up my days off anyway. I wanted to use all five of my days off as vacation hours thus I'd have off nine days in a row but he only used two vacation days and so I only really got off five days in a row for Otakon week. But that's ok because I added the other three days to my vacation in September. So, let's see...that's eight vacation days plus four normal days off...thats twelve days off in a row. That's almost two whole weeks. Woo-hoo! Party time!

*sigh* I can't wait for September. *purr*

*collapses from exhaustion*

2003-07-11T15:06:00.000-04:00

Work is driving me insane again. It's really starting to get to me. I wanted to quit so bad yesterday...and then I remembered that I need money. Dammit. I really need the money fairy to pay me a visit so I don't have to work anymore.

Mom and I went out shopping today. Well, after we laid around for a while watchin t.v. of course. XD I'm going to attempt to do highlights in my hair in a little while. Wish me luck.

We got a sympathy card in the mail from the vets today. The doctor wrote a little note in there and as I read it I started tearing up again. Sometimes I think about her and I cry but that's ok, it's only natural. Besides, sometimes it feels good to cry. Cheech, our other cat, has been sniffing around the places where Serena used to lay. I guess he's just figuring out that she's not around anymore and he's wondering where she went. Or maybe he just likes sniffing. Who knows?

Gah. I'm making myself all depressed again.

Jason and I are supposed to go see Pirates of the Carribbean tonight. Yay. I love pirates. XD

Mee-imouto, thanks for the hugs. I know she's in a better place and all. It's just that it's not easy to say goodbye sometimes. *hugs*

2003-07-09T13:26:00.000-04:00

I had to get Serena put to sleep today. I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do; to decide to put her out of her misery.

Mom woke me up early and we got ready and went up to the vets. I held Serena on my lap the whole way. She didn't try to get away at all which was sad for me because she hated to be held, she used to struggle against it. Once at the vets we had to wait for about forty minutes or so before they could fit us in. It was horrible, the waiting. I couldn't stand it. I gave the cat to my mom and turned away from them. I had been crying since we left the house. I couldn't seem to stop the flow of tears from my eyes no matter how hard I tried. When we finally got in to the exam room a guy asked us questions then told us the doctor would be right in. Another twenty minutes later the vet came in. He examined her and then took her away for x-rays. About a half an hour later he came back and showed us the results. She had cancer that had spread to her lungs. There was nothing they could do. Mom and I burst into tears and the doctor asked us if we wanted to be with her when she was put down but we couldn't do it. I couldn't even bring myself to say goodbye and I feel a little guilty for that. The whole time she was with us while we had been waiting for the doctor she was just laying there purring and she would look at me and then my mom and she had that happy look on her little cat face....

I signed the paper and then we went to pay the bill and leave. When I got home I called out of work for the day. I feel like a mess. I can't stop crying. I think a lot of it is guilt because I knew that she probably had cancer a long time ago but I didn't take her to the vets. I had felt the little lumps on her underside. But what can a vet do for a cat with cancer? I'm sure the treatment is very expensive and it would have just made her more sick anyway. I think we did the right thing. But I can't help feeling like I should have spent more time with her. It was so hard to take her up there knowing that she probably wasn't coming back. But she didn't know that. She was just a cat. And she trusted us to take care of her and it just feels wrong somehow. She was a part of our family for fifteen years and I just feel like she deserved more.

I'm crying so much I've given myself a headache.

My boss called me and asked if I'd at least come in for a couple of hours tonight so that she's not closing the store by herself. So I said ok. I feel like people are going to think I'm stupid for calling out for this but I can't help it. I think I just need time.

2003-07-08T22:41:00.000-04:00

I might have to get my kitty cat put to sleep tomorrow.

I'm upset, but not as much as I thought I would be. I mean, she's old and has been losing weight lately and I could kinda tell that she hasn't been herself. It happens. Mom said she spent the whole day in the basement today and didn't even come up for food. If anything, Serena LIVES for food. So, I know it's time.

I went down to see her and picked her up. I don't even think she weighs a pound. Poor thing could barely purr. So, I told Mom to see how much it will cost to get her put to sleep and maybe we'll take her in tomorrow before I have to go to work. Dad got really pissed and said, "Don't start making any plans! Give her a chance at least!" I got pissed back. I mean, I'm not going to let her suffer just because Dad doesn't want to let go. He always gets so attached to our pets and I think it's really hard for him. It's hard for me too, but I guess I'm better at accepting the inevitable. *sigh*

2003-07-04T23:38:00.000-04:00

Rawr! I'm tired. XD

Yesterday Jason picked me up a little bit after I got off of work. We went to Burger King (because I love thier chicken club sandwiches...yummy) and then to the movies. There wasn't much I wanted to see that I hadn't already seen. So, I pleaded and begged and talked him into seeing 28 days later. He doesn't like watching scary movies because he's afraid of when things jump out and make you jump. But, he's such a nice boyfriend that he agreed to watch it with me anyway. Yay.

It was a lot different than I thought it would be, yet it was exactly what I was hoping for. It was more than just a mindless horror movie. It had a kind of Lord of the Flies vibe to it in the way that it showed human nature. I really really liked it. Plus, I really liked the main guy in it. I can't help it, I found him attractive. Even in the beginning when he was all scruffy and his hair was all fucked and stuff. *sighs* I'm hopeless. ^_^

So, after the movie I spent the night at J's. Neither one of us could get to sleep at first, though. I kept having visions of zombies hovering over the bed and then I had a nightmare about them. This morning J told me that he also had a nightmare about zombies. Next time we go see a zombie movie I think we'll go earlier in the day. ^_^;;;;

I spent the whole day with J today. We went shopping around for a digital camera and I also picked up a new outfit. Weee. I love shopping. I tried on a bunch of hats and there was this one that looked really good on me but I don't know if I have anything that I would wear it with so I didn't get it. Ah well. After shopping we went back to his house and had dinner. Then we walked up to see the Dundalk Fireworks. They put on an awesome show. We were sitting right under them. It was really beautiful. His mom had given us some spray Off! to keep the mosquitos away but it must have had something in it that beetles find attractive because they kept attacking us. Huge ones too! One almost flew up my nose and I hit it away really hard and the damn thing came back and tried to get down my shirt! They kept getting in my hair and stuff. It was nasty. I still feel like I have bugs crawling on me. Yuck.

There were tons of people setting off fireworks. More than I ever remember seeing. Ah, what a holiday. Stupid people + alcohol + explosives = a damn good time. XD

Jason just brought me home a little while ago. I volunteered to go into work tomorrow morning for a bit to help set up the stuff in the mall. I may or may not go. Then it's off to my Aunt Glenda's to party away with the family. Hopefully it will be nice and I can play volleyball. It's about the only sport I'm somewhat good at. Sorta. Ah well.

2003-07-02T23:38:00.000-04:00

Gah. I'm so tired.

Work completely wore me out today. Latoya and I worked all day rearranging the plus sized women's department. It was a lot of work for two people. Plus, we kept getting interrupted by people calling for managers all night. Gah. My legs hurt, my feet hurt...basically my whole body aches. Moving all those racks and fixtures and thousands of clothes....*eyes go swirly*...too ...much ....work ...*collapses* And we still didn't get it all finished. Wah. I have so much crap to do tomorrow. *cries*

I pulled a classic Lisa Clutz Attack (tm) at work. As we were closing I was straigtening up the costume jewelry and I bent down to get some things that had fallen in between the fixtures and almost poked my eye out. One of the little hook thingies stabbed right through my glasses and popped the lens out. Then I was freaking out because I couldn't see right to find the lens. Luckily, Daya was right around the corner and she came over and found my lens for me. After that I decided that I had had enough of that place for one day and retreated to the office.

*sigh* I am so looking forward to going to bed tonight. I'm even more looking forward to having off work Friday and Saturday. Yay.

On the way home from work my Mom was told me an amusing story. My Uncle Rick had stopped by tonight and told her about my step cousin Keri's wedding that took place this past Sunday. We didn't go because we're not really close with her. Besides, her mom and my uncle are getting divorced now anyway so it's sorta awkward. Anywho, on to the story. My uncle went with one of my aunts and they made it just in time to see Keri walk down the aisle. Later, at the reception he went outside to wait by the cars while my aunt pulled the car around so they could leave. Keri's new husband and his buddies were apparently out there getting high and stuff. My uncle left just as Keri and her mom were coming outside. Well, my cousin Tim (my Uncle Rick's son) filled his dad on what happened after he left. Apparently, Keri went into some kind of rage when she seen her husband and his buddies getting high and some sort of fight broke out in the parking lot. Someone got thrown into Keri's car's windsheild and busted it. Then the cops came. Also, Keri and her husband wound up not going on their honeymoon because of it. I was telling my cousin Dawn about it earlier and we were laughing. I know it's wrong to laugh but I can't help it. I mean, come on people, it doesn't get much more white trash than that. Heh. Don't know much more of the details but I have a feeling I'll be hearing all about it when the whole family gets together on Saturday at my Aunt Glenda's party.

Anne, if you're reading this, I hope you're feeling better. You really scared me today. I think you better go find another doctor cuz maybe the one you're seeing is a quack or something.

Mee-imouto: *huggles* I'm not really a detective, but part of my job is to watch out for suspicious behaviour like shoplifting and stuff. I'm ususally pretty good about catching people when they are stealing or trying to commit fraud though. Mainly because they give themselves away. Most of the criminals we get at our store are fairly dumb. ^_^

*waves to Charles* I know you are reading this dearling. ^_^

2003-07-01T20:13:00.000-04:00

Not much going on today, just the usual stuff. Work, work and more work.

Rob told me that I'm getting a 25$ gift card for catching a lady doing credit card fraud yesterday. Yay. I have mad detective skills, oh yeah. XD

I have off the fourth and the day after. Jason and I were going to go to Ocean City to watch the fireworks on the beach but they're all booked solid. Plus, we'd have to drive three hours to get back to Baltimore and go to my Aunt's party that afternoon and I know Jason would be all cranky and tired so it's for the best anyway. I have to see fireworks this year though. I'm making it my mission dammit. I want fireworks! Kaboom! Wee!

Er...anwho.

Speaking of the fourth, it was my grandfather's birthday. He died when I was nine but the thing I remember most about him is the awesome parties he used to throw. Especially on the fourth. He used to get all kinds of huge illegal fireworks. It was great. My mom said that she thinks he used to throw big parties and was good to us grandkids because he realized he was dying by then and he was trying to make up for some things in his life. I don't know if that's true or not because I hardly knew him at all. But, the stories I hear....of course, those were different times then.

I'm thinking about getting back into doing my Geneology again. I did some research before and found a bunch of people I'm related to on the net. It's kinda neat. Hmm.

Ok, I think that's enough random thoughts for the day.

Mee-imouto: *glomps back* Stephen King books can be scary. I think that's why I love them. I think the scariest book I've ever read is The Shining. Also, there's this short story he wrote about zombies taking over the world...*shivvers* Zombies are the scariest!

2003-06-30T21:48:00.000-04:00

I have so much stuff to do but I haven't done any of it. Wee! *sings the procrastination song*

Actually, I just spent the last two hours watching a Japanese movie called Battle Royale. It's possibly one of the most fucked up things I've ever seen...well...actually it's not as strange as some other Japanese movies I've seen, or some French ones for that matter, but I digress. My boyfriend kept going on about it (I really don't know where he heard of it) and I told him I'd see if I could find it on the internet and...vio la! Thank you, internet! Anywho, basic plot: a middle school class trip turned worst nightmare when the kid's are abducted to an island where they are told the only way off is to kill all their classmates. It's all very Stephen King-ish. (If you've never read his story 'The Long Walk', I highly recommend it.)

Well, I geuss I should do the things that I'm supposed to be doing...ah, crap. I don't feel like it. I'm lazy. XD

Hmm, I have to make a list of things I want to buy at Otakon this year. I've been saving up and I think this year might be a record spending year. Or, maybe not. It'll be kinda hard to beat last year. Heck, I just finished paying off last year's Otakon. Heh. Actually, I originally wasn't planning on spending heaps this year but I keep seeing things I want....ah well. Gotta spend it somewhere! Wee!

I'm sorta excited because I heard a rumor that Tokyopop has liscenced Fruits Basket. Yay.

Hrm. What else happened today?

Ah, Latoya's back from vacation, so work is back to normal...sorta. It's so crazy. I have all these projects I need to do on top of everything else and no time! I have to be manager on duty two days in a row every friggin week. I'm complaining to Rob, dammit. I mean, it's just not fair. I only work six and a half hour days so that means for the two days I'm manager on duty I only get to spend two and a half hours in my dept. working and getting stuff done. Which really amounts to jack shit because I have to do schedules and stuff during those hours. So, I hardly get to spend any time getting done the things that I need to get done. It's so frustrating. And on Monday's it seems like all I do is go to meetings! EX:

10:00 am: Arrive at work, begin working in Home Fashions.

10:30 am: Resource meeting in Men's.

10:45 am: Back to working in Home Fashions.

11:00 am: Safety Meeting in the training room.

11:15 am: Back to working in Home Fashions.

12:00 pm: Lunch.

12:30 pm: Back to working in Home Fashions.

2:00 pm: MAP meeting in the training room.

3:00 pm: Staff meeting in the training room.

4:00 pm: Covering the Fine Jewelry dept. because there was a call out.

5:00 pm: Time to go home.

See why I don't get anything done? See? SEE???? THIS is why I am so frustrated at work all of the time. It's fucking ridiculous. Really and truly. I mean, I only did about three hours of working in my dept. And half of that time was spent running back and forth from the floor to the stockroom. Gah. Oh well. Screw it.

Mee-imouto: Thanks for the hugs, I can surely use them. ^_^ *hugs back*

2003-06-29T21:11:00.000-04:00

I'm tired, but what else is new?

This past week of work totally exhausted me. I slept in today and then went out with Jason for awhile. We drove all the way to Timonium for some reason only to eat at Pizza Hut before heading back home. We stopped at Best Buy where I picked up some anime and the first season box set of Hercules. I used to love that show. Not in a screaming fan girl type of way, I just enjoyed watching it.

Some of the best times in my life were my last years of high school and my earlier years in college. I used to spend every single weekend at my cousin Dawn's apartment on the other side of the city. She used to pick me up every Friday and we'd drive through the heart of Baltimore to get to her place instead of taking the faster highway route. It was more fun that way. I can't remember if it was Friday nights or Saturdays, but we used to make popcorn or cookies or sometimes both and just hang out and watch Hercules and Xena and Sinbad (which, sadly, was only on for two seasons) and of course Forever Knight when it was still on (we used to be soooo addicted to that show). Back then the Walmarts in the area were still open 24 hours and we'd go there in the middle of the night just for fun and then eat at Denny's...mainly because there's not much to do that late at night. Then, on Sunday's we'd sleep in all day. Sometimes it really was all day. I can remember one time we didn't get in til six in the morning and we slept in til five pm. Ah, the good old days. Anywho, seeing Hercules makes me remember those good times.

Speaking of good times...I went out with Dawn Friday night. We went to dinner and then went to see Charlie's Angels. Fun was had by all. I was telling her that I'd like to throw a party and she said I could throw it at her house if I wanted. Yay. So, party at Dawn's everyone! Richard, you'd come to my party, wouldn't you? And Anne, of course you're invited. Greg already said he's coming so we'll have plenty of entertainment. XD

Well, back to work tomorrow. Oh, how fun.

2003-06-26T21:16:00.000-04:00

Ok...this is new...blogger is new...wow. Ok.

Anywho, on to blogging.

Last night: The concert ROCKED! The Dixie Chicks ROCK! At one point (when they played White Trash Wedding) I wanted to do a hoe down. Heh. And they played Sin Wagon as an encore. I LOVE that song. It's so great. Wee!

The seats we had were awesome. They were right near the stage and on eye level with everything. It was so much fun. Michelle Branch opened for them. I was surprised because I thought they'd have some dinky country band opening for them. I was so happy because I LOVE Michelle Branch. Everyone was so good live. I love live music. I must go to more concerts this summer. I have to check and see who else is coming around. Yeah.

At the end of the concert giant confetti was propelled skyward from this thing on the floor near our section. It was so cool! It was raining giant confetti chips on us! I almost choked on one! It was fun! Heh. XD My mom picked up a bunch and put it in her pocket. Then, when we were walking back to the car she kept throwing it everywhere. (I guess I get my goofiness from my mother.)

Work today was ok. Some things went well, some did not. Of course, there's always a billion and one things that I have to do. I really felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off for most of the day. We had a MAP meeting today and after the meeting Keith told me that he needed me to stay behind to talk to me. At first I was afraid that I had done something wrong. But then he said that he wanted to let me know that our district manager had been really impressed with me the day before at our afternoon resource meeting. Keith said that he thinks I'm really on my way to becoming an assitant store manager. I was just sitting there thinking...wow. I mean, the District Manager was impressed with me...wow. And I wasn't even trying to impress anyone. Damn I'm good. XD

My poor Jason was sick and had to stay home from work today. Now he has to work tomorrow night so I won't see him until Sunday. It's all good though because now I made plans to hang out with my cousin. I've been meaning to spend time with her forever but I'm always busy.

Mee-imouto: Thanks for the well wishes! *hugs* My knee feels almost completely better now. Yay.

Anne: Yay. My brother looks like Jesus. Hah.

Richard: I'm so glad you came to the concert with us. Yay. Now...I'll need to think of some way for you to repay me.... XD

2003-06-24T19:54:00.000-04:00

Well, my price for sitting home yesterday is that I now have to work on Friday. Grr. Dammit. Why do my plans always backfire? I mean, really. What the hell. I always get stuck doing everything all the time. I'm sick of it. Sometimes I get really really really frustrated with that place. I love my job but sometimes I wonder if it's worth all the aggravation.

I'm listening to the Dixie Chicks right now. The concert is tomorrow. My brother came up to my room a little while ago with all the DC cd's and I just looked at him and said, 'What is this? Homework?' Then he said something about making a list of songs that I had to memorize by tomorrow night. Oh, but it's ok because if I have trouble remembering any of them he knows them all. My brother is a complete loser sometimes. Ok, most of the time. Although, he is amusing. XD

Speaking of my little bro...this lady, Trish, at my work had a funny story for me about him today. She asked me if my dad drove a pickup and I said yeah. She then said she thought she saw him and my brother driving on North Pt. the other day around five o'clock. I said it was probably them because they are normally on that road around that time on thier way home from work. Trish knows my brother because he used to work at Sears with us a while ago. Anywho, she said that she was driving along and her four year old daughter says to her, 'Look Mom! It's Jesus!' and she's pointing over at the truck next to them. Trish recognized my brother and thought the whole thing was quite amusing. It's funny, really. My brother has long dirty blond hair and an often times scraggly looking beard. When he wears his hair down and has his glasses off he does kinda resemble those European paintings of our Lord. And I find the whole thing funny because it's not the first time someone has called him Jesus. But it's just so funny to imagine a four year old saying it. Hehehe. I'm laughing right now just thinking about it. XD

2003-06-23T20:00:00.000-04:00

Several things.

I had a great time at Jon's house despite the fact that Jason and I got into a huge argument on the way there. He apologized for being an ass and fun was had by all. A little too much fun by some. Carrie got trashed. There's nothing more fun that watching your best friend rolling around on the floor laughing insanely at anything that moves. Of course I dared her to drink a double shot of jaggermeister (actually paid her ten bucks to do it thinking she wouldn't) and the little lush downed the damn thing. Then she drank four more and a bacardi later on. Damn, she can drink. O.O

My knee feels almost completely better now.

I finished reading Harry Potter. I'm almost sad that I'm finished reading it. Here comes my thoughts on it, so I'll put up a spoiler warning.

SPOILERS ABOUND FOR HP BELOW

Overall, I really enjoyed the book.

I was a bit fed up with Harry though. I mean, I know he's been through a lot but damn. He needs to have a good cry and let someone comfort him instead of all of this pent up rage stuff. He was really starting to get on my nerves. However, that's partly why I like Harry so much. Because he's so far from perfect. In fact, he was so angry at times during the book I almost felt like shouting, 'Don't go over to the dark side, Harry!' Then again, I'm a total geek. Getting back on track, I think Harry has major problems trusting people and considering what he's been through I can see why, but he really needs to start to let others help him. He can't do it alone. But now it's even worse, because it seems like in the end he'll have to.

I loved when Harry went into Snape's memories. (well, not so much the fact that Harry was voilating Snape's privacy, that was SO wrong, but the fact that it allowed us to see bits of the past.) I felt really bad for Snape, and also bad for Harry that he found out his parents weren't so perfect, but only human like everyone else. In fact, this brought to light several things about Snape as well. He's a bastard, but at least he has a reason. And of course, he's not a total bastard. I like Snape. I feel like Harry has a lot in common with him.

Ginny. Oh my God, I love you Ginny. She is so cool all of a sudden. It seems like she's done a lot of growing up all of a sudden. I'm just so happy with the way she's turning out. I am so hoping that she and Harry get together. He needs someone like her. *happy sigh*

Fred and George were cool as well. I loved thier pranks for once and at least they were useful instead of just being perpetual goof offs. Not to say there wasn't plenty of that going on, though. Heh.

And Dumbledore. Wow. I was mad at him half through the book. Mainly because he never tells Harry anything. All these horrible things happen and he doesn't tell him anything! I was pissed. But then, at the end, I felt bad for him too. Because even though Dumbledore kicks ass, he's still only human too. And he can make mistakes as well. I think that was a kind of humbling moment in the book. Or at was, at least for me.

Sirius...I have to say I wasn't that surprised. For some reason, I had a feeling it would be him, I don't know why. I have mixed feelings. Sure he was cool, but he also liked to instigate trouble. So, am I sorry to see him go? Not really. I never was really attached to him at all (although my brother is going to be soooo super pissed--Sirius is his favorite. ah well.) I feel bad for Harry in that he lost someone he cared about, but that doesn't mean he has to act all pissy. Deal with it. I think that's his problem. He doesn't deal with stuff, he dwells on it.

I liked Luna's seeming indifference to everything around her.

McGonagall was awesome. I love her more than ever. XD

Hagrid was exasperating.

Hermione and Ron were just right. I felt bad that Harry kept taking his anger out on them, though. I really wanted one of them to whack some sense into him at one point.

Umbridge was a wonderfully wicked witch. I really really hated her. Really. I was half hoping the centaurs would tear her to bits.

So, erm, to sum up. I liked the book overall, although I could have done with less whining from Harry. He needs to get over himself. At points the story was beginning to depress me though. Things were starting to look a little bit too much like nazi Germany for my comfort. But, as always, I managed to be smiling at the end. Just hope I'm still smiling by the end of book Seven. Whenever the hell that comes out. ^_^

2003-06-22T13:07:00.000-04:00

Supposed to be on my way to Jon's any minute now. I'm just waiting for J to call.

I'm so tired. I was exhausted yesterday. I wound up struggling to stay up til eleven-thirty when I'm normally up til at least one. Maybe it's the motrin making me sleepy. *shrugs*

My knee feels a little better today. Hopefully it will continue to get better. Maybe my doctor will call tomorrow with the x-ray results.

I just got my hair cut. Yay. I'm so happy. It was getting a little too long to be comfortable.

I geuss I'll just sit around reading til J calls. Hmm.

*wanders off drowsily*

2003-06-21T17:06:00.000-04:00

I spent all morning and most of the afternoon limping around work. The swelling in my knee, which had been going down, is now worse. Well, at least the motrin is keeping the pain away.

My Harry Potter book arrived this morning while I was at work. My father took it up to my room and left it on my bed for me. He can be nice once in a while. ^_^ I have a feeling I'm going to be spending the next several hours sitting around with my knee propped up reading. Wee.

Tomorrow I have to go into work in the morning for four hours for a meeting. Then J and I are supposed to be going to Jon's house for a cookout. Which reminds me...I have to call Care Bear and get directions.

Ack. I better get going. It's getting ready to storm again. Gah. I'm so sick of rain.

2003-06-20T11:26:00.000-04:00

Well, the doctor visit was less painful than I had anticipated. All she did was feel around my knee, give me a perscription for motrin and send me down to x-ray. They have to send the x-rays out to get read and then she's supposed to call me when she gets them back. I'm supposed to keep my knee elevated and do heat and ice ten minutes each three times a day. She said I could walk on it, I'm just not supposed to do any kneeling or bend it too much. And she said I could work. How staying on my feet all day is good for my knee I have no idea but oh well. Either I don't know much, or my health care provider sucks ass and was just trying to get me out of there a.s.a.p. We'll see, won't we? Damn HMO's. The health care in this country fucking sucks.

Mee-imouto: Thanks for the hug! *hugs back* Heh. I'm so terrified of needles. I act like the biggest baby when I have to get one. Last time I had to get one I actually passed out afterwards. It's kind of funny now that I look back on it, but at the time it was embarrassing as all hell. ^_^

2003-06-19T18:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I actually managed to get through a little more than half a day at work before I told the boss that I needed to come home. My knee is swollen and I can feel the fluid around my kneecap. It's kind of a creepy nasty feeling, actually. I called the doctor and made an appointment for first thing tomorrow morning. I have a feeling they are gonna want to keep me out of work for a while but I can't afford to do that right now. I'll just have to go in on light duty and find stuff to do in the office or something. Well, we'll see what happens.

I'm really scared because I have an extreme phobia of needles and I know they are probably going to draw fluid from my knee. Even thinking about it is making me woozy and I can feel a panic attack coming on. Gah.

And I'm so bored sitting here in my room already. Although, normally that's what I do anyway, but it's nice to have an option to something else. Every time I hobble downstairs my mother laughs because she says we're all falling apart. I keep telling her it's not freakin' funny. Rob was laughing at me at work as I limped by him and I told him if I could lift my leg high enough I'd kick his ass. Dammit, this is not funny people. Grrr.

How is it that I'm always sick or injured somehow? *sigh*

2003-06-18T23:07:00.000-04:00

I am so fucked right now. My knee is killing me.

Back in March when I was getting ready for that uber visit at work, I was on my knees cleaning the bottoms of all the fixtures. Ever since then my left knee has been bothering me off and on, usually after I'd been kneeling to do something at work. Well, yesterday I crouched down to get something off of a bottom rack in lingerie for a customer and I heard something crack in there and all last night it started bothering me. It didn't hurt so much as feel really tight when I went to bend it all the way. Well, this morning it was worse and after being on my feet all day at work it's hurting like a motherfucker. It's swollen and i can feel that there's liquid in there that shouldn't be there. And I can't do anything about it right now. Tomorrow I have to work again and by the time I get off work my doctor's office is closed so I have to wait until friday to go to the doctors. As if I don't have enough things to deal with. It seems as though as long as I am on my feet I can deal with it but the moment I sit down and then try to get back up it hurts worse. I can just imagine what it's going to feel like when I wake up tomorrow. Dammit. I can't call out of work, either because I'm the manager on duty from 1-5. Maybe if I go in they'll make me go home early and then I won't get any points for leaving early. I doubt it though. Fucking slave drivers.

You know, I hope I can get my ass up off of this computer chair...otherwise it's going to be one hell of an uncomfortable night for me.

2003-06-16T20:09:00.000-04:00

Damn, but I'm good at my job. I managed to impress my boss at the (horrendously long) staff meeting today. We all had to take turns explaining different parts of this booklet to the rest of the group and when I came to my part Keith said that I explained it better than most of the execs that he had seen do it. *pats self on back*

Ya know, I think I crave praise at work so much because I don't get much at home. Except from Jason. He tells me that I'm great all of the time, but for some reason when he says it I don't like it. I think he's just biased or something. Or maybe it's just that he tells me so much that I don't believe it anymore. I don't know. It could just be that I'm fucked in the head. XD

I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Well, for me anyway. I bought this little headband at work today that we're selling in the kid's department for the Fourth. It's a patriotic headband. It's got these two springs on top of it like antenna's and they have pinwheels attached to them so that when you walk they spin around. I had it on for most of the day, even during the staff meeting. It was fun. People really got a kick out of it. I think I might wear it again tomorrow. Actually, I heard that Keith moonwalked the other day at thier big district manager meeting and I was thinking of telling him that I'll wear it for the rest of the week if he'll do the moonwalk at our meeting on Sunday morning. Heh. He probably would anyway. He's crazy with all his winking and calling me kiddo.

My father stayed home from work today because he somehow broke his toe. He doesn't remember how though because he was drunk at the time. I know, it's hard to believe, isn't it? (that was sarcasm...heh.)

I had a really strange dream last night where I was camping. (That in itself is strange because I never go camping.) Anyway, it was a normal type of campground and there was a bunch of us staying in an RV. There were a lot of little kids staying with us, one of which was J's goddaughter. Then there were these evil trolls that would come out at night and try to kill us. It was all very weird. Although, I've been having a ton of weird dreams lately.

The other night I had one where I was arranging my barbies in the dollhouse that I inherited from my grandmother. But the barbies were too tall so we had to remove the roof of the dollhouse. Then I was going through these barbie clothes and picking out ones that I liked. For some reason I was at someone's house with Carrie and a bunch of guys. (My friend Carrie...whereever she goes lots of guys are sure to be there.) Anywho, there were two guys over by Carrie and they were watching tv, then one of them came over to me and said we only had nine minutes left and we should hurry up so we started making out. Dude, what the hell? I've been making out with all kinds of weirdos in my dreams lately. What is that supposed to mean? I told J all about it and he just laughed.

Ah well.

Mee-imouto: Thanks for the support. *hugs* I think I would make a good history teacher but kids kinda get on my nerves sometimes. Of course, people in general get on my nerves sometimes. XD I really think I'm going to take some classes this fall. I think it will make me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Don't worry so much about the depression. It's been coming and going for the last five years or so and I've kinda gotten used to it. I can usually tell when it's coming on now and I try not to let it get to me. ^_^

2003-06-15T21:54:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling weird lately. Like I've suddenly realized that something major is missing in my life but I can't quite put my finger on what it is, if that makes any sense at all. I long for something unknown. Or maybe I do know somewhere in my subconcious and my waking self refuses to acknowledge it.

Or it could just be the beginning stages of depression. It's about time for another round. *shrugs*

Of course, I've been feeling dissatisfied with my life lately anyway. Mostly because of the pressure from Jason to get a better job (meaning a higher paying job) so that we can afford to move out together. (Although he's said he doesn't mind what I do, as long as I'm happy with what I do and as long as I'm satisfied. And, for the most part, I do feel like I'm succesful at my job. Of course, chimpanzees could probably run the Ready to Wear dept. of Sears as well as anyone.) Also, I'm constantly getting not so subtle feedback from my father on how much of a loser I am. Thanks Dad, I love you too.

Even when I'm having a good time, I'm not really having a good time. I keep feeling like there's something I should be doing. I think I want to go back to school in the fall. Maybe take up business, or technology or something. I think my far off dream of someday becoming a History teacher is slowly disintagrating before my eyes as each year goes by. I mean, look at me. I'm twenty five, I live with my parents, I don't drive and I work at a place where I'm a supervisor and I only make $10.07 an hour. I AM a loser. Oh well. At least I'm a loser who's the life of the party. Glass is half full. Yup.

2003-06-13T19:21:00.000-04:00

I have to hurry because it's supposed to storm soon. Wee!

I just finished eating dinner; it's the first and only thing I've eaten all damn day. I started off the day miserable. I think I had a slight stomach flu or something. All I know is that I couldn't do anything I had planned because I spent almost six hours lying in bed or running to the bathroom. It sucked, to say the least.

Mom found a small army of ants invading her bedroom so she whipped out the poison and killed them all. Yay.

The last of the barbies I won on ebay arrived this afternoon. So, I had to rearrange them again. I'm running out of room on my shelf now. Heh.

Jason called, but we're not doing anything tonight because I told him that I had been sick most of the day and he said he thought I should rest. Dammit, that's what I've been doing all friggin' day!

My father and brother came home from work and managed to piss me off within the ten minutes of thier arrival. Go figure. At least they brought home some goodies: German beer glasses, some kind of imported beer from Lebanon, and some kind of Korean drinking glasses. They got all of these small imported liqour accounts at the warehouse and the clients always give them free stuff so it's cool. We're always getting free beer and wine. Handy for an alcoholic, no? Course, I haven't drank in ages. Mostly because I'm afraid that I might get to like it and then I'll end up like my father. But, after the day I've had, I think I could use a beer. Well, what the hell did I expect? It is friday the thirteenth.

Better go, the storm's a comin'.

2003-06-10T19:59:00.000-04:00

Listening to Moody Blues 'Your Wildest Dreams'. I love this song. I was riding around with Jason the other day listening to the 80's station on XM radio and it came on and I remembered how much I loved it, so I downloaded it of course. XD It really must have been something like ten years since I had heard it. Weeee! *dances* Then I stared dling other Moody Blues stuff. They were one of those theatrical type bands, kinda like Yes. But they could rock, too. I told Jason today on our way home from dinner that they were like a cross between Yes and Blue Oyster Cult, but they definately had thier own weird thing going on. Damn! I just can't stop listening to this song! Weeee!

Ahem.

Work was ok and all that. Keith took us softlines managers around to certify us for the new Customer Service Manager program. I was my usual over enthusiastic (read that as 'kiss ass') self and scored TONS of brownie points. Keith said I was brilliant and he wouldn't be surprised to see me as a store manager in a few years. Oh yeah. Really, I don't have a big head or anything. Nope. Heh. XDXD Seriously though, I admit I'm good at what I do. I need to learn to manage my people better though, because right now I do so much myself instead of entrusting it to them. I guess it's just because I know that if I do it, it'll get done right. And now there's all this new stuff going on with the schedules; it's a nightmare. I really wish what I could do was get rid of almost everyone we have and just start from scratch because everyone that has worked for us for so long is so resistant to change. Damn them and thier old fashioned ways. If they don't wanna change then we'll have to let them go soon anyway. It's sad, but it's the way it is. You know, as much as I complain about work (and the fact that the pay SUCKS ASS), I really like what I do.

Dinner with Jason was fun. My suggestion so I payed. It's only fair. He's using all of his money to pay off his credit like a good little boy, anyway. We went to Outback. Yum. Desert was especially delish. I love ice cream. ^_^

We've been lucky the last couple of days; it's been extremely nice outside. I'm so happy about that. In fact, I think it's why my mood has improved so much. Unfortunately, it's supposed to rain again tomorrow or something. Ah well. I hope it's nice out this weekend because I have off. Muahahahaha! An entire weekend off! Happy Happy Joy Joy!!! *dances the jig of joy* Of course, I promised J that I'd go to his goddaughter's dance recital on Saturday afternoon. Yeah, like that's how I want to spend my time. I guess it's just one of those things that you have to do every once and a while for your friends, though. But, dammit, they're not my friends, they're J's. I really don't even like Kayla. She's such a spoiled brat. Then again, J did promise to go to the party my aunt and uncle are throwing when my cousin Rhiannon comes to visit in July. So, I guess it all evens out. I just like to complain because I can. And because I'm a selfish spoiled bitch. XD

Ah well. Hmm. I think I'll listen to some Pink Floyd now.

Oh, and Mee-imouto: It's not so much that I have a problem *connecting* with my family, it's that I choose to distance myself from them. They are good people, no matter what crazy things I say about them, and I love them of course but I my relationship with my parents is strange sometimes. I guess because I've lost some respect for them because of certain choices they've made in life and sometimes I feel like they don't care enough about themselves to want to get help. I see my parents as human people that have made human mistakes. Not to say my boyfriend hasn't ever had problems with his parents but they are usually petty superficial disagreements whereas my situation is a little bit different. ^_^

2003-06-06T16:57:00.000-04:00

It's GORGEOUS outside. So, why then did I spend much of the day in my room? Because I have no where to go. *sigh*

I wish Jason would have been able to get off, then we could have went on a mini road trip or something. Ah well. At least we might hang out tonight and do something. I don't know, he hasn't called and it's almost five. He must have been really busy today. I hope he wants to do something because I haven't seen him for a week and even then we only went to dinner with his parents. As much as I love J's rents I'd rather just spend time with him sometimes, but he's all bonded and stuff with his family. He always wants to do stuff with them, or hang out with his brother. I guess I'm just not as close to my family as he is to his, so it feels weird. Not to say I'm not close with my family, it's just that how I relate to my family is much different than how he relates to his. I mean, I could move to some far off place and have little to do with them and not really mind so much. But I have a feeling that if J and I ever get a house together (something we're planning on) then his mom will be over a lot.

Gah. I've been so unproductive today. Well, at least I did a little light cleaning. That's something, I guess.

I'm going to go back to jamming with ELT now.

2003-06-03T23:09:00.000-04:00

Finally got around to setting up at deviant art. Woohoo. I submitted some of my photographs so far. I'll probably upload more stuff later in the week. Yay, I'm being productive. Go me.

2003-06-03T18:56:00.000-04:00

Jammin' to Sugar Ray again. Ever since the concert I've been really into them. Weee! *busts a move*

Er...anywho.

Another boring day at work. Sales have been down so much because of the weather. No one wants to come out in the rain, I guess. The weather is dragging me down, down, down into a pit. I'm so tired and unmotivated.

I've been having weird dreams lately. A couple of nights ago I had this one where I was walking down a hallway next to this cute blonde guy. He looked like he was about eighteen or nineteen. He was blind and I kept feeling like I was being careful cuz I didn't want to bump into him. Next thing I know I'm making out with him. Where the hell did that come from? Then last night I had a dream about work and some shoplifter trying to get one over on me, but of course I was too clever for the likes of that bitch and I turned her ass into Asset Protection. She was leaving the store and heard me on the phone with A.P. and she came up and got in my face and threatened me. I was scared, but then I thought, 'Hey, just punch the bitch.' Er...then I woke up. Maybe I'm just working out my various frustrations in my dreams. Heh.

*waves to Danielle* Weeeeeeee! Hey, I want my squirl shirt! lol

Ah well, I guess I'll go back to jammin' now. Oh yeah.

2003-06-02T21:49:00.000-04:00

Work was boring today. Bleh.

I'm jamming to Sugar Ray. Wee.

I feel discombobbulated.

My next door neighbor just called for my mom and I had to go track her down. She was out back talking to someone on a motorcycle. It was my uncle. I didn't know he got a motorcycle. He's been coming over a lot since my aunt broke up with him. It's weird. I never realized that he was close with my mom. Ah well.

2003-06-01T19:37:00.000-04:00

I just spent the last hour rearranging my Barbies on my shelves. I moved the top shelf up so that I had room to put the Barbies in the back on the bottom on risers so that there is maximum Barbie viewage. I then arranged them in semi-groupings. I put some of my historical types together, then there are my Springy might be going to a garden party types, then the girls in evening attire. I put some of my assorted Barbies on my top shelf because they don't really have anywhere to fit on the bottom shelf.

It looks pretty damn good if I do say so myself. And it helped me work out my frustrations. I feel much better now.

*huggles Mee-imouto* Heh. Don't worry, you see how quickly my mood changes? I may be easily irritated, but at least it doesn't last long. XD Oh, and I totally believe that he forgot. That man forgets everything. Tis one of the things thats so irritating. Ah well.

*goes back to admiring Barbies*

2003-06-01T13:11:00.000-04:00

My boyfriend is sooooo fucking irritating. He knew he had to go into work this weekend to finish payroll, he knew I was working all day yesterday and that I was going over Greg's to spend the night last night. He knew I was going to be at the flea market this morning. And yet, what does the idiot do? He waits until now to go up to his fucking work. When I'm fucking home. &%$#^%$^&%E8 R^&$#^$7 ^%$^%$^&!

Stupid fucking bastard. Fine then. Maybe I won't want to spend time with his stupid fucking ass at all this week. Maybe I won't want to spend time with him at all, period. Bastard. Fucker. I'm so pissed. Like the fucker couldn't have went in to work yesterday so that we could spend time together today.

Anywho.

Flea marketing went well. Unloaded all of my junk and got $150 for it. Of course, I went and spent $50 on barbies, but I got a good deal on them. Greg and I got up at four o'clock this morning just to go there and get set up so because I'm tired I'm twice as irritable as normal. Well, I'm always irritable anyways. Sometimes it seems like every little thing pisses me off. Mom just came up to tell me dinner's ready and I yelled at her. That's how irritated I am. Well, she should know better anyway. She made some kind of yucky cabbage thing and I hate cabbage. *spits at cabbage*

Well, I geuss I'll work on improving my mood.

2003-05-30T22:47:00.000-04:00

Had a scare the other day with the puter. It stopped working and I thought I was going to have to lose all my data again. Fortunately, I did not call tech support; I called Richard instead. He fixed my memory problem and then we found out that my mouse had died and that's why my puter wasn't starting up. Right now I'm borrowing a mouse from Andy until I get to compusa. Now, if only I can figure out what the hell is wrong with my blog...

Today I went through my entire room (except for the stuff stashed under my bed) and made up three huge boxes full of books, old tapes, and other assorted junk that I don't want anymore. Greg and I are going to the flea market on Sunday to sell our old crap to other people. Wee. I actually have room in my closet now. It's weird. I keep wondering what to put there. I think I might take some of my manga off of my wall o' manga and put them in the empty crate in my closet, just so my room doesn't look so clutterd. Not that that will make much of a difference. Heh. I also found a bunch of old Barbies that I had stored in my closet. So, since I know have room on one of my shelves, I'm taking them out to display them. It's so much fun. Jason was over here helping me for a bit and I had him opening Barbies and setting them up on thier little stands. It was quite amusing. XD

2003-05-28T00:13:00.000-04:00

Gah. So tired.

I had an okay day at work. I pretty much played around in the home fashions department rearranging some things. Wee. Twas kind of fun. There was a meeting but Keith said us leads didn't have to attend if we had too much work to do so I didn't go. That man likes to talk too much, and while I do relish the time away from the salesfloor, I didn't feel the need for a nap. Hah.

My foot is still bothering me. It's my left heel. Or right under my left heel. Jason said maybe it's because I wear a lot of flat shoes, but I really don't think that has anything to do with it. I mean, why would it just start bothering me all of a sudden then? It hurts all day, but only when I put a lot of pressure on it. But then, at night, after I sit down for a while and then get up again....ouchie. I have to limp around for a little. I probably should call my insurance company and set up an appointment with a doctor. I really don't feel like going to a doctor, though. Gah. Maybe I'll see about calling them at lunch tomorrow. Maybe. Probably not.

Carrie called me at lunchtime and asked me to hang out with her and Jon after work so I did. We went up to White Marsh, cruised the mall and then stopped at Bennigen's for dinner. They have decent food. Then we came back to my house and watched anime. Something called Colorfuls or something like that. Basically short little segments on perverted guys and their quests for the perfect panty shots. It was highly amusing anime crack. Especially in English. Heee.

Well, off to bed cuz I have to work again tomorrow. Weeeee.

PS: *hugs Mee-imouto* Sitting around doing nothing is the best, isn't it? XDXD

2003-05-25T18:59:00.000-04:00

My brother is an ass. And a lazy ass at that. I'm not helping him. I refuse to go near him and listen to his stupid closed minded views. Idiot. Jerk. *kicks brother*

Ah, I feel better now.

I've been lazy all day. I've been downloading anime, watching anime, checking out what new things tokyopop has acquired, and pretty much sitting on my duff doing jack crap. It feels swell. XD

2003-05-25T12:23:00.000-04:00

Work was ok Sat. Well, I mostly hid out in the office and avoided doing any real work. What can I say? I was having a bout of laziness. XD

Saturday night I hung out with Richard and Greg. Shane came along for the ride. I don't know why I ever think inviting my brother along is a good idea. He's so very annoying. Anywho, we went to the mall and then to the movies. I bought two new manga and two new books and a new barbie. Actually, that was the first barbie I bought in a long time. But, it was such a good bargain I couldn't pass it up. So, now I have more stuff to junk up my room. Woohoo.

I'm supposed to be helping my brother clean his room. I have yet to leave my own sanctuary. Of course, I'm getting hungry so I guess I'll have to leave my room sooner or later. Hmm. Smells like dinner is cooking already. Perhaps food is a good idea.

2003-05-23T15:24:00.000-04:00

Gah. What a week. I'm so glad it's almost over.

As if all that work at work wasn't enough to do, when I went in Wednesday I was told we had to have ALL of the overstock for ALL the Land's End product ready to transfer to the Hunt Valley store by Friday morning. So, I had to abandon all my other normal work, leave the floor in the hands of my staff and work in the stockroom for two days straight rushing around to get things ready to ship out. Bastard upper management. Gah. Anyway, it's all finished now. Well, all except for a little bit that we couldn't finish that Keith said we could ship out Wednesday. Phew. But, because I was so busy doing all of that stuff I had no time to do the schedules. So, I had to do them this morning, on my day off, and take them up there to put out. I can never get away from that place. Plus, I'm not even supposed to be doing work at home because I'm hourly. I didn't really have a choice though. I should sew those bastards. For something. Grrrr.

Anywho.

The Matchbox 20 concert was awesome. It's funny now that I think about it, how we ended up going. A couple of my friends from work were going and I guess I got caught up in the excitement and got my brother to order us tickets. Shane only knows three of their songs, Jason none. I was surprised at how many I knew, really. I kept going, 'Hey, I know this song!' Hah. I'm such an uber dork. But we all had a really good time. Sugar Ray performed for about an hour before Matchbox 20 came on. Sugar Ray was awesome. They are such a fun band. Hmm. Going to this concert kind of turned me into a fan of both bands. Not to say I didn't like thier music before, but it's not like I listen to it except for when it's on the radio. Now I'm thinking I might have to pick up a few cd's next time I'm out. D'oh. I'm so easily brainwashed.

Mom and I were jamming out a little while ago. I put on the Cars Greatest Hits and we were dancing around and singing into hairbrushes. Twas fun. I guess dorkiness is in my genes.

Jason and I are supposed to go out tonight but I have to run up to work again when my brother gets home to pick up this foosball table I bought for him yesterday. Penni told me at lunch they had the displays really cheap cuz they're getting rid of them so I called Shane at work from my cell and asked him if he wanted one. Well, I don't know where the hell we're putting it because his room is a disaster area. It looks like I'll be spending Sunday and Monday helping him clean and make room down there for this thing. Until then, I guess it'll just have to stay out on the porch. *shrugs* Something else for my father to bitch about. Ah well. I think I could actually squeeze into my room but then I would have no floor space left at all and I'd have to climb over furniture just to get to my computer or my closet. Heh.

Hoping to go to the movies tonight. I'll have to see how this foosball thing works out first. I can see this becoming a major fiaso. Damn me and my impulsive buying.

Oh, and by the by, boo, I don't have off this weekend. Well, not entirely. Working in retail (especially if you are management) you rarely get a whole weekend off. Although, my normal days off are Friday's and Sunday's. 'Cept when it's my turn to work Sunday then it's usually Tuesday and Friday or Friday and Saturday. But, because I work for a cheap ass company that is trying to save money I get off Monday this week as well since I'm getting paid for it anyway. Plus, if I worked on a holiday they'd have to pay me time and a half and they are not going to do that. Not that I really mind. Hell, I'd rather just have off. ^________^

2003-05-20T18:02:00.000-04:00

Work is pretty much back to normal now. It's driving me crazy again. The distric managers will be in the store again tomorrow since their visit last week was interrupted and Keith wants everything to be perfect for them. Plus, there is all this training and things we have to do to get ready for a new time keeping system that's going into effect in June. On top of that I have to make sure that the salesfloor is ready for the big Memorial Day Weekend Sale. And I have to make schedules and anything else that Latoya normally takes care of since she's on vacation. And do everything I normally do which entails straigtening the floor, taking care of customers, putting away merchandise, etc. All this I have to squeeze into a six and a half hour day (since hours have been cut back.) Suffice to say, I've been one busy little beaver.

Well, Mom just called that dinner's ready so I guess I'll nab some food. Wee.

2003-05-18T16:33:00.000-04:00

Today has been busy.

We had our meeting at work this morning for three hours. Then I went with Jason to some thrift store because he bought some kind of organ there. (The kind you play...not a body part.) Then we came back to my house and had dinner. (We eat extremely early on Sundays.) Then we went up to work where Darlene picked us up to take us to the funeral home.

It was kind of hard being there, of course. Sarah came up and gave me a hug. She's so cute. She's a huggy type of kid. She just glomps right on to ya. Last time Pat had her at work (it was bring your kid to work day) and she was chasing me around the office and we were laughing and I got us both in trouble. I'm such a child.

There were lot's of people there that I hadn't seen for awhile, some of my old managers that have gone to other stores. It was nice to see them, just wish it had been under different circumstances.

Dar told me that Rick had said they did an autopsy and now they think it may have been an annurism. I guess it really doesn't matter. I mean, what's done is done. I think I'm just still in shock, partly because I was there when it happened. I'm alright but I'm changed from this experience I think.

2003-05-15T20:53:00.000-04:00

I can’t say I feel better today. Although I feel normal, and today was a relatively normal day considering everything that happened yesterday, something is missing. I feel off somehow. Something’s not quite right.

Darlene said she couldn’t sleep last night because she kept thinking about Pat. At least she was off yesterday; she didn’t have to experience it first hand. She said she thanks God she was off because she doesn’t think she would have been able to handle it had she been there. Knowing Dar, she’s absolutely right.

I had trouble getting to sleep last night also. Every few minutes Pat’s name would pop into my head and then I’d see her. I’d see her sitting in that chair, all small and pale and lost looking. She had this look on her face like she wanted to say ‘Help me!’ but couldn’t get the words out because her body refused to cooperate. And I stood there frozen; because that’s what I do in a crisis situation. I’m so glad that there were other people in there that were quick thinking.

Talked to Heather today at lunch and we filled in the blanks for each other with what happened yesterday since she had arrived in the office right after I had left it. Heather told me that she believes that Pat had already passed on by the time she had arrived in the office, which would have been only seconds after I had left it. She said when she got in there Rick was holding Pat in the chair and she was all stiff and twitching slightly. They thought she might be having a seizure. Heather told them to put her on the floor. She said they had a hard time getting her out of the chair because her body was so tightly wound. By then she stopped breathing. Rick began CPR while Heather checked her wrist for a pulse. There was none. They turned her body slightly so that she was facing Heather, thinking that perhaps she was choking on something. Heather said that her pupils were dilated and that her face was blank. She must have died there, in the office, right after I had run out of there. The paramedics arrived and made everyone clear the room but it was too late. They had to try to revive her though. It’s what they do.

I ran out of there like the coward that I am (at least I had an excuse to run out of there, thank God I had an excuse to get the hell out of there when I did). But at least Heather was there. Heather held her hand while she died. I don’t think I could have done that. I’m not strong like that.

They’re saying it was a massive heart attack. But she was only forty years old and in relatively good health, except for the diabetes. It doesn’t make sense to me.

They are having the viewings this Saturday and Sunday. Darlene offered to drive me and Jason to it. She doesn’t want to go alone. I don’t blame her. So, we are going Sunday. Sunday we are going to say good bye to Pat.

I keep trying to hold on to her. I can hear the sound of her laughter in my head and I think it’s important that I don’t lose it.

Thanks for the support, everyone. I love you all. *hugs*

2003-05-14T19:26:00.000-04:00

Today was a cold reminder of how sudden a person can be taken away from us.

It started out like any other day at work except for a little bit more pressure since the big bosses were coming in for a visit. Today was my day to play the manager on duty. Pat paged me to take care of a customer on the phone that wanted to talk to a manager. I went to the office and Pat paged Len for me since it was a problem to do with his department. Len came and we got things straightened out. We looked over and Pat was sitting there really quiet and her face was very pale and ashen. Everyone (everyone being Nancy and Rosie) asked if she was alright. She said she didn't feel well. Then she said to call Rick (the operations manager) because she wanted to go home. We were all immediately worried of course because Pat is diabetic. Nancy got a hold of Rick and Rosie went to get a wet towel for Pat's forehead. She looked so pale and small and on the verge of passing out. Rick came running in. He went to help Pat stand so that Rosie could drive her home but she collapsed. Rick yelled to call an ambulance so Nancy did. They were paging for a manager in Hardware so I had to go out there. I passed Heather on the way and told her what was happening. Then I went to find Keith (the store manager) who was out walking the salesfloor with our District Managers to let him know what was going on. He rushed right back to the office. By the time I got back to the doors to the office the paramedics had arrived. They were in there working on her for about fifteen minutes or so. Heather came out and told me that Pat had stopped breathing and Rick had begun CPR before the paramedics had arrived. Heather said that Pat's skin had turned blue. Finally, they took her to the hospital. Rick rode in the ambulance with her. We waited. About a half an hour later Keith said that he needed all staff members to come back to the office at 1:00. Karen told me Rob was in his office crying. I went to the office about five after one because I had been covering the Jewelry Dept. and I had to wait for Dawn to come back before I could leave. When I walked in there everyone was either crying or standing around looking shocked. Keith came over and told me that Pat had passed away; 'She didn't make it,' he said. Then he gave me a hug. Latoya came over and hugged me as well. Nancy and Karen were crying so bad that Keith sent them home for the day. I didn't cry. I usually don't when someone dies, I don't know why. I guess it's just my way of dealing with death. Not to deal with it.

It all happened so fast. She was fine one minute and then within three or four minutes she had passed out. But still, I keep wondering if there was more I could have done. Would it have made a difference if we had called the paramedics right away instead of waiting? It's eating at me a little.

When Rick came back from the hospital he looked like he just wanted to break down. That set me off, thinking about Rick and how he just lost his wife and now this... I went into the bathroom and cried for a few minutes. Then I splashed some water on my face and went back to the salesfloor because there was work that needed to be done. Keith kept coming up to me and asking me how I was doing, was I ok? I told him I was ok. I just think it hasn't hit me yet. When I go to work tomorrow she won't be there. She'll never be there again. It's not ok. I think about Pat's nine year old daughter, Sarah, and I know it's not ok.

This is just too sudden. It hasn't had time to sink in. I've never dealt with death this way before. Everyone I know that has passed on has died after a long illness. It was expected. Of course, even when it's expected it's still a shock. But nothing in my life prepared me for this. I keep feeling like this is some nightmare that I'll wake up from. But I know it's not.

Pat, you were a good friend. You helped me out many times when I needed someone's guidance. You fed me, made me angry on occasion, made me laugh always, and learned me some new curse words. I miss you already.

2003-05-13T21:49:00.000-04:00

I finally finished the drawing I promised for Jason for Valentine's day. It's only three months late, not too shabby. *grin*

I guess the reason I took so long was because:

A) J said, 'I don't care what you draw me. I just want a drawing from you.' So, I therefore had to wait until inspiration reared it's head. If he had told me, 'I want a drawing of some fruit,' then I don't think it would have taken me so long.

B) I'm a lazy, unmotivated arse.

C) Both A and B are correct.

Heh. Anywho, here's the drawing. A self portrait inspired by my new hat. I didn't use a mirror because I hate using mirrors. I find them distracting. So, instead I took a pic of myself with my webcam and printed it out. This is the first thing I've drawn in a long time that I'm really happy with. Go me.

2003-05-12T16:44:00.000-04:00

Well, I picked up my film from Walmart. Yay. Here's a lil comic I did of my mom and I driving around today. Just cuz my mom is really funny sometimes. Not that she means to be...

Anywho, I'll scan my six flags pics in tomorrow. Oh, and also those snow pics I keep promising Richard. Heh.

2003-05-12T00:52:00.000-04:00

Many adventures this weekend. Too numerous to recount all of them.

A few memorable moments:

There is not enough room in a teeeny weeeny sofa bed for three adults dammit. XD

Late night giggle fest.

Almost falling into a large puddle that could have probably qualified as a small stream. (Thanks for saving me, Greg!)

Ponchos are fun. But hot when the sun comes out.

Getting stuck strapped in at the bottom of the Tower of Terror was more frightening than actually riding the Tower of Terror.

Magic Flying Loose Change!!!

Superman Ride of Steel is the shizznit!

Batwing is. (My brain area feels weird...hope I'm not having an annurism brought on by the tremendous g-forces.)

My mom was the only one to say 'Happy Mother's Day'.

X2 baby. I think it was better than the first one. At least, that's my opinion.

Walmart sucks ass. I want my film you bastards!

Er...anyway, that was my weekend in a nutshell. Gah. I'm tired. *looks at clock* No wonder. It's almost one in the morning. When the hell did it get so late? Okies..I'm getting incoherent, so I'll leave off here.

2003-05-08T16:27:00.000-04:00

Went shopping yesterday and bought this new hat. I really like it. Now I'm in a hat buying mood and I want to go and buy more hats. Wee!

I've been fairly bored all day. When I woke up it was rainy, but now it's really lovely outside. It almost makes me want to do some outdoor type of activity. But, sitting here at the computer by the open window is good enough.

I think I'll practice my drawing for a bit. Maybe I'll actually finish Jason's drawing before he comes over tonight.

Mee-imouto, er...I wasn't being sarcastic. Although, I *do* have a very dry sense of humor and it is sometimes hard to tell. (Even more so on the net I guess, because it's hard to tell someone's tone, hehe.) But, I really am having fun not being at work, despite the boredom. ^_^

Boo. *waves* Hiya! I love roller coasters now, but I didn't ride my first one til I was sixteen. And, no matter what, I'm still a chicken about them. I panick before I get on them, but after a few warm up rides, it's all fun. XD

2003-05-07T11:03:00.000-04:00

Yay! Lisa's Super Fun Time Off From Work has officially begun. Let the fun commence! *bangs gong*

Can everyone tell how excited I am to be off of work? XDXD

Anywho. I'm going over Care Bear's house in a little bit. It's been a while since we've gotten together. I think we're going to watch anime. Tis what we usually do. Wee! Then Jon is supposed to meet us there so that he can take us to Pandora's so that I can get more WHR. He's so friggin obsessed. He should just buy it himself and leave me outta it. Heh.

Then on Saturday I'm going to Six Flags America with Greg and Richard. Yay, roller coasters! Double yay, cuz I've never been there before!

Imouto, yesh, it was hilarious. But not until after the fact. My boss was laughing at me so hard because my face got all red. I blush very very easily. And it was sorta embarrassing. Hah.

Anne! Omg! I remember that! *cackles* Yeah, it's been a while since we've had an incident like that in the store. Ha! Oh, by the by, I talked to Richard and he says the Red Dwarf marathon sounds fun. So, all I have to do is wait for my schedule at work to come out (it's taking forever dammit!!!) and then I'll let everyone know when. Oh, and Richard insisted we come up with a name for it so after about a quarter second of thinking he came up with 'Smeggathon'. Ha!

eve-kun, you are so absolutely right. Except, it's funny in hindsight. At the time, it was just strange and awkward. And creepy. Heh.

Well, off to have fun. Weeeeee!

2003-05-05T20:03:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired. I've been dragging all day. I'm blaming it on the rainy weather because I know I got enough sleep last night (for once).

Work today went pretty well. The store was down in sales for Sunday (we were the only ones in the district) so our store manager recieved a call from his boss first thing this morning. Ha. Not my fault; I was off yesterday. They think traffic in the store was slow because of a carnival that came to town this weekend. Probably, but oh well. We didn't have a staff meeting today because Keith wanted us to concentrate on our departments. That was nice.

Oh, and a strange thing happened to me at work this morning. Josie asked me to help out a customer that was on the phone. The customer had bought this jacket and wanted to know whether or not we still had them and how much they were now. I checked. It was on clearance for $12.00 (it was originally $24.00). She said she had gotten hers for $9.00 the other day. I told her that yes, the other day we had an extra 25% off of our clearance. She wanted to know when it would be cheaper than she had paid for it because she wanted the difference. I told her that we do not do sales adjusments on clearance. Once you buy an item on clearance that's the price you pay for it. She was like 'ok' . Then:

Customer: So, did you get one?
Me: *thinking that I must have misheard her* Um...excuse me?
C: Did you buy one?
Me: Um...no.
C: Why not? Didn't you like them?
Me: Er...no...it's just that I wouldn't fit in them.
C: Oh? But they come up to an extra large. You wouldn't fit in that?
Me: No, I wouldn't.
C: Are you a big girl?
Me: *kinda wondering where the hell she is going with this* Sorta.
C: You don't sound like a big girl.
Me: *recieving strange looks from boss who is standing right in front of me* I have a small voice.
C: Oh. Are you the one with glasses?
Me: ....Yeah.
C: I know you. Yeah, I see you there all the time.
Me: Oh, really? Well, er, ok.
C: Well, it's been nice talking to ya.
Me: Ok. Have a nice day, ma'am.

............

*sweatdrop*

I mean, really. Wtf?

Ah well.

I went to the anime store yesterday when I was hanging out with J. I was a good girl and only bought what I had went in there for. Well, sorta. I wanted to get the Haibane Renmei soundtrack but they didn't have it so I got the image album instead. Tis booooootiful. I'm listening to it right now. Track seven is too cute for words. Squee!

2003-05-04T21:19:00.000-04:00

Grwowowr!

Dammit all to hell and back! I hate you you fucking computer!!!!!!

*calms down*

I had this post all written and the fucker freezes up on me. Damn you.

Anywho. Long story short: Dad drunk. Dad passed out in car. Lisa not amused. Although brother and mother seemed quite amused...brother even took pictures. What is wrong with my family?

I talked to D and was telling her. She always says she's sorry for what I'm going through because she knows, she went through it with her father and mother. But I keep telling her that I really don't care about it. It's just embarrassing as all hell. Then I feel a twinge of guilt, but I don't know if it's because I really do care, or because I feel guilty for saying I don't care and really meaning it.

Dad spent a few hours in the car with Mom periodically trying to wake him up enough to get him in the house. I told her just to leave him in there, it wasn't like anyone was going to steal him. Then, a few minutes ago, the neighbors from across the alley came over to help Mom drag his semi-conscious carcass into the house and onto the living room couch. Great. Fucking fantastic.

*sigh*

I give up.

2003-05-03T11:12:00.000-04:00

Thursday night was interesting.

Jason picked me up and we made our way to the Senator Theater for the premiere of the Maryland Film Festival. We arrived about a half an hour behind schedule because J couldn't remember how to get there. I had never been to the Senator before. It really is a gorgeous little theater.

We met J's cousin Erin and she hooked us up with our free tickets. Yay. I wub you Erin. We got our programs, popcorn and such and went to find seats. There were many filmakers there. Directors, actors, crew. It was a different sort of atmosphere. The showing was the old classic 'On the Waterfront'. If you never heard of that movie you've definately know it. It's the one in which a young (and might I add HOT) Brando has his famous line, 'I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody.' Oh yeah. It was really a good film. And to see it in that historic theater I kept imagining that must have been a little bit of what it had been like to see a movie back then. Very cool.

The movie was hosted by Barry Levinson. I can't tell you how cool it was to be in the same room with him and hear him speak. After the movie he did a Q & A session. Hearing him speak about movies (and about his own films in particular) was just...I can't describe it with words. It was too awesome. I guess because I love movies so much, and also the technical side of filmaking, it was such a wonderful experience.

After the movie there was an after party at a place across the street. It was a ritzy type of an affair in which I felt totally out of place. There was a continuous line of people crushing to get free food. While I was waiting in line to get free booze J elbowed my side and I turned to see John Waters standing right next to me! He's even more freaky looking in person. I shamelessly eavesdropped on his conversation.

J and I took off after about forty minutes. I got tired of being around all the fakeness. Although, to be honest, the most real people there were the most famous ones. Both John Waters and Barry Levinson seemed really down to earth. It was all the leeches hovering round that drank champaign and laughed thier little tinkling fake laughs that got on my nerves. Bleh.

When we left we saw John Waters and Barry Levinson talking outside. I almost wanted to go up and say hi but I know what would have happened. I would have frozen up and then in my nervousness stupid things would just come out of my mouth at random intervals. So, we left.

Overall it was a wonderful experience.

And Anne, this is why I love you. Cuz you say things like 'I worship John Waters. I always have this dream that he sees me across a crowded party and I inspire him to make a whole movie centered around me cuz I'm so fucking fabulous. Just one of my many delusions.' XDXD

I truly believe, had you been there it could have happened. It's just the type of thing to happen...especially when John Waters is involved.

2003-04-30T23:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I did a virtual tour of my room for my friend Amie at work. We were debating the other night whose room was more cluttered. I told her I'd send her pics as proof. So...we shall see, my dear, we shall see. XD

This is the view of my bedroom door. On it are various Sailor Moon pics that I had printed out and hung up there waaay back when I was in college and also a poster from an Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter book. As you can see there is just enough room behind my bedroom door to squeeze something so I fashioned bookshelves out of cardboard boxes. The stacks of books keeps growing though. It's now an area which I call 'the wall o' manga'. I also have some random dvd's stacked there because I ran out of room for them elsewhere.

Here is a better view of the 'wall o' manga' and also of some of my barbie collection. The storage unit is sitting in front of my closet which is covered in posters. I also have a handy dandy tv tray in my room so that I never have to eat dinner with my parents again. Wee.

The floor area in front of the storage unit and closet door is usually the first place to go when my room starts getting messy. It's just such a great place to chuck stuff. Poster of Lestat on bottom of closet door. I used to be really into Anne Rice.

View of the inside of my closet. This is where I hide my junk. I swear, I must have at least three or four hundred books packed away in there. And also more things. I packed up a bunch of my stuff a couple of years ago because Greg and I were talking about moving out, but it never happened. I never unpacked my stuff because it freed up space for me to get more stuff. XD

A corner of my room. The top of my dresser is filled up with even more stuff and also another improvised bookshelf made out of cardboard. Yay. Stuff, stuff and more stuff.

My puter corner. Corner furniture is really the only way to go in my room. It's really a spacesaver. Uh, the shelves are filled with more stuff. Top one has all my angel dolls and the rest of my barbie collection. Bottom shelf has anime and knicknacks. Actually, I have knicknacks sitting on top of pretty much everything including my tv, and my puter. ^^;;;

This is where things get really cluttered. I have an endtable in my bedroom that I use as a nightstand. I rescued it from my grandmom's house after she passed away. On top of it is my little tv which I am covering with hello kitty stickers. Why do I have two tv's? Because the little one was only fifteen bucks (originally a hundred and forty five..it's a sony..wee!) and I can't pass up a good bargain. So, I stuck it there and hooked my playstation up to it so that I could be even more lazy. Behind the endtable/nightstand is my bookcase. Most of the books on there I can't even get to. *sigh*

My bed! Yes, I actually have room for a bed in my bedroom. Heh. Behind my bed I have an old toy chest filled up with a decade's worth of National Geographics. On top of that is a little dresser and a nightstand. On top of that is a dollhouse that used to belong to my mom when she was a little girl. This was also a rescued item from my grandmom's house. On top of that are more dolls. I have a lot of dolls because I wasn't allowed to have a lot when I was really little so when I was a teenager I went crazy and started collecting them. In the corner I have my Otakon badges hanging on a nail.

Now for some random stuff. These are some of my favorite junk items that I've collected.

Wooden shoes from Holland, also rescued from gram's house.

The coolest box ever that I found really cheap at an antique store downtown.

A strange doll that I bought for a buck at the flea market.

A voodoo doll cross thingy that my parents brought me back from thier trip to New Orleans. They actually got this in a shop that one of our relatives runs there. I don't follow voodoo, but I think the alligator head on the top of the cross is wicked cool.

So, that's my room and some of my stuff (much more of my stuff is hidden under my bed, in my closet, in my mom's closet and up in the attic). I hate the pinkness of my room and I wish it were blue but the ceiling needs plaster work done to it so I can't paint it.

And that concludes the tour. Now everyone can say how much of a dork I am. XD

2003-04-30T21:22:00.001-04:00

Work seemed really short today. I guess mostly because I spent all damn day rearranging pantyhose. THAT was a pain in the arse. ^^;;;

I have a short day tomorrow as well. And then I have off, work Sat., have off Sun, work Mon. and Tues....then have off for SIX wonderful splendorific days! Muahahahaha! I'm so excited! The last time I had off for so long was...last year some time. Heh.

Anywho. Plans during time off include: a massive spring cleaning out of my room in which i will be getting rid of many a things that i don't really need anymore, a trip to the flea market with greg to sell all my junk (come and get it super cheap...hell, just take it cuz i don't want it anymore), writing, drawing, painting, reading, watching the rest of initial d, and all around doing whatever the hell i want to do. Weeeee! I can't wait!

Hmm. Jason just called me. He just got off the phone with his cousin Erin, the one that works for the Maryland Film Association. She's holding two tickets for us for the premiere of the film festival which starts tomorrow night at one of the old theaters downtown. J said that apparently John Waters is going to be there (he's such a weirdo, lol) and maybe John Travolta and Joaquim Pheonix might be making appearances since they are in town making a movie right now. Not that I am one to get star-struck, but that's kinda cool. Plus, and this is the clincher that made me want to go, they have all the free popcorn one can eat! Jackpot! Tee-hee. Man...what am I gonna wear?

Oh, and J said that on Friday they are having some kind of showing of short porn films in 3D. Not that I would go to that sort of thing. I just thought the idea of 3D porn was pretty funny. XD

Anywho.

eve-kun!!! Have a great trip! Don't do anything I wouldn't do! (that actually leaves a lot open....)

2003-04-29T20:26:00.000-04:00

Watching American Idol. Or rather I should say I'm *trying* to watch American Idol. My mom messed up the cable somehow while she was vacuuming earlier and it's coming in all crappy now. *grumbles*

Oh well. I did actually clean my room today. I even dusted. *gasp* I know, I know, it's quite a shock for me as well. XD

I didn't get to go to the park because Jason had to cut the grass when he got home from work. I'm talking to him right now on the phone. I wuuub him. <3<3<3

Tomorrow I have to take a cab to work, or walk, because the car is in the shop and my parents are too cheap to get a rental, damn them. It's thier fault anyway. Stupid stupid stupid. And I have to work 12-7 which is a shitty shift, but I can't complain too much since I am the one that made the schedule. *sigh*

Mee-imouto, my mom likes to watch anime with me. Well, not all anime of course, but some anime. She loves Escaflowne and Fushigi Yuugi. I made her watch the first episode of Wolf's Rain and I think she liked it, but it's hard to tell with her sometimes. ^^;;;

2003-04-29T14:44:00.000-04:00

My domain seemed to be experiencing some technical difficulties last night, but tis all better now. Apologies to anyone that was inconvenienced. *kicks yahoo*

It's soooo absolutely gorgeous outside. I want to go sit out there. I wish there was a decent park nearby. I need trees and wildlife and flowers dammit. Hmm, maybe I'll call Jason and we can go to Merrit Park when he gets home from work. It's not much, but at least there are trees. And ducks. And geese. And squirls. Although, they kinda attack you for food and that's not really fun.

I'm supposed to be cleaning my room today, so of course I am doing everything I can to avoid it. XD

I watched Spirited Away with Mom. She said it was weird. I called her a blasphemer and told her it's not weird but THE BEST MOVIE EVER. She'll understand after she watches it a few more times. Hee. (note to self: brainwash mother)

Well, I guess I had actually better clean my room. I keep putting it off. Of course, I think my vacation time is coming up next week so I could always wait til then...

2003-04-27T22:27:00.000-04:00

Work was busy today. And of course, I had to deal with stupid people yet again. *sigh*

My hours have been cut back a little this week. Not that I care. I'm actually happy to be working shorter shifts. Of course, I might end up having to spend all day hanging out there anyway since I might not have a ride since Mom has to put the car in the shop thanks to The Incident. Stuff like this always happens on the weeks when I work shorter shifts for some reason. Oh well. At least it will give me a chance to read some books. *chants* Glass is half full, glass is half full, glass is half full. XD

Oh, and think something is horribly wrong with my foot. A few days ago my heel started to hurt when I walked on it...I thought it may have been because I had worn my Sketchers the day before to work and I don't usually wear a shoe with any sort of heel (and it isn't even so much of a heel as it is an incline) on it for that long (mainly because I am the most uncooridinated person on Earth). Anywho, I went back to my flats and my heel was hurting. Then, I wore my Sketchers again on Sat. and I was fine. Today I wore the flats and my foot is sooooore dammit. And it's just the heel of my left foot. And I took a nice soothing hot bath a while ago and I swear I felt something move around in my heel after I got out. What exactly, I do not know. Nor do I really want to know. All I want is for my foot to stop hurting. I might actually have to go to the doctors, dammit. If I can get an appointment. And if I can get a ride. Gah. Why does it seem like everything happens at once?

Oh. Right.

Glass is half full. Glass is half full.

Ok, enough bitching. I did have a good day despite the stupid people and the foot problems. I found this livejournal which has an amusing entry called, 'Missouri Driving Rules'. I don't think it's only Missouri, buddy. XD

2003-04-24T22:43:00.000-04:00

My mom called my uncle this morning and we found out that my cousin is going to be ok. She'll be in the hospital for a few more days and then she'll be home for several weeks recovering from the injuries to her back. Poor Steph. I feel bad for her. Mom said we'll go visit her next week when she's home.

Work was busy today. I had to deal with stupid customers. I hate stupid people. Especially stupid people that you try to explain things to and they just don't get what you're saying and keep arguing with you. Grr. I wish people had to get a liscence to have kids, that way stupid people wouldn't be able to breed. Of course, I may never have been born then...heh.

I'm so tired. Of course, I always am. I want to read a book, but I've torn through most of the books that I have laying around. I think I need to go to the bookstore. Recommendations anyone?

Ooooh, I was at the comp. store the other day and I saw the new vaio....it's sweeeeeet! It's like....a billion times better than mine. *weeps* I want it. Squee. Or just one that has everything that the vaio has. *nod nod* So, I'm saving to buy a new puter and I'm gonna give this one to J's brother and J's brother will in turn buy me a super boss flat screen monitor. Yay. Of course, it will take me a lil while to save for the puter. Especially when I have to save for other things like Otakon. Ah well.

Richard, I tried to call you but you weren't home, I guess. I want to hear your stories. XD

2003-04-23T22:32:00.001-04:00

I was just talking to D on AIM and she told me that one of our little cousins (well, she's like...16 now, so she's not really that little) was in a bad car accident on Monday and that she's in the hospital and that she'll probably be in there for a little while. Apparently she has fractured vertabre and her ankle is messed up. D said that her mom told her that Steph would be alright though. I'm kinda pissed that no one called us to let us know. I don't even know which friggin hospital she's in cause D's mom didn't tell her. I have to find out. Maybe J and I can visit her on Friday. I feel so bad now.

2003-04-23T22:32:00.000-04:00

I just got home from work. I hate working night. The store was so slow tonight. I was very very bored. Gah.

Richard, I'm glad you had a good time. The police, eh? I definately have to hear that story. *nod nod* Unfortunately, this weekend is my weekend to work so I have to work Saturday and Sunday. I am off Friday but I sorta have plans with Jason to go see a movie that night. I'll probably give you a call Thursday night anyway. Oh, and I'm glad I'm not the only one that misses James Burke. And, Connections is available on DVD. Alright! Woohoo! And actually I found this on ebay. Hrm. Maybe I should bid on it. Dammit. Now I'm on a James Burke kick. Ah well, I only have myself to blame. XD

2003-04-23T00:34:00.000-04:00

I'm kinda bored. I've been trying to fic, but it's just not happening.

So I sat around watching Discovery Channel instead. Well...after American Idol was over, of course. I am so friggin addicted to Discovery Channel and TLC and the History Channel, it's not even funny. Of course, they don't have as many cool shows on as they did when they first got big...like James Burke's Connections. I loved that show. It was so cool. I miss it because not only was it a show filled with useless knowledge that is only relevant on game shows such as Jeopardy, but it was a show that connected useless bits of knowledge to other useless bits of knowledge. Double dose! Squee!

Erm...I fear my dorkiness is taking over again. ^^;;;

Richard, I know you'll read this eventually. Hope you had a good time at the ocean. Did you have any luck picking up hot chicks? Did you get hammered? Wish I could have partied.

Anne, I hope you get your computer back soon. I miss you! *hugs*

Mee-imouto, I would say that I am probably like your friend, but then not like your friend. Although I personally am not into organized religion I don't feel there is anything wrong with it at all and I would never presume to tell someone that thier belief system was wrong.

Long rant on Lisa vs Religion ahead. Feel free to skip.

I grew up in a Christian family. My mom is Lutheran, my dad Catholic. I know my mom went to church when she was growing up, but I have no idea about my dad. Hell, I didn't even know he was Catholic until about five years ago, mainly because my parents have never attended church. Therefore we never attended church. *thinks* Actually, when I was growing up the only person in my entire family that I can recall going to church on a regular basis was one of my cousins. Only one...outta like...twenty. So, my experiences with organized religions have been very limited. I went to Lutheran church a couple of times with my cousin when I was very young and Catholic church with one of my friends a couple of times when I was in highschool. So, I guess I just grew up finding my own way and forming my own beliefs instead of having anyone teach their beliefs to me. Except for the no meat on Good Friday thing. When I was growning up we were never allowed to eat meat on Good Friday, which of course is a Catholic teaching. I never could figure that out because we weren't Catholic. Both my brother and I were christened Lutheran. Of course, once I found out my dad was Catholic it kinda made sense. But that didn't stop me from complaining about it. XD

In some ways I think organized religion can be a bad thing, but in a lot of ways it's a very good thing. My aunt and uncle were very bad alcoholics and drug addicts. They finally got themselves straight and a lot of that was due to friends and support from thier neighborhood church. They wound up getting clean and sober. My uncle is big into AA now and goes around and helps other alcoholics. My aunt has actually become an ordained minister of the church and she tutors kids after school. Their church is the only church that I was ever semi-comfortable in. I went to it a couple of times. It used to be in this tiny little corner house (my aunt and uncle live in a very bad neighborhood in the inner city) that was real run down. They helped to clean the neighborhood up and built a brand new building for the church. (Of course, the city has since torn down the projects and now the trash that was run out of the neighborhood is moving back in so...yeah. It kinda sucks. Everytime I go over there I'm a little bit scared because there are drug dealers standing across the street.) I went on a weekend camping trip with my aunt's church a couple of times as a chaperone for the kids. They have a campground in Pennsylvania that they use to take inner city kids up to so that they can experience that type of thing. When I was there with those children, some of which have really had hard lives, it made me feel good that I was there, being a part of something like that. And the kids were so nice. We hardly did anything religious except for on Sunday of course. But, the whole experience made me think that that's what church's ought to be about.

My boyfriend is Catholic. It's kinda a bone with me. I've always had this thing against the Catholic church for some reason (ok, it has a lot to do with history...and what is up with some of thier crazy rules? I just don't get it). J promised his mom he'd get married in a church. I was like, 'Well, I guess you're not marrying me then, cuz I am no way no how getting married by the Catholic Church.' Besides, I'd have to go to all those stupid classes and promise them my firstborn child or something. No way. But J's really one of those Catholics that only goes to church on Christmas and Easter. And really only then because his mom makes him. J's mom is really into church, though. But, if going to church makes her happy and makes her feel fulfilled and makes her feel closer to God, then I think thats wonderful. My only problem is that I think some people only go out of a sense of obligation. I had a friend in middle school tell me once that I was going to hell because I didn't go to church every Sunday. Then, years later when we were in highschool, she not only skipped going to church but lied to her father about it and used me as her alibi.

Then there are people like my brother who believe that what they believe is the absolute truth and will not hear any other opinion. And, not only that, but they try to force thier beliefs on you. My brother likes to believe he is very pious and he likes to pass judgement on everyone. He often tells me who he thinks is going to hell and whatnot. I used to argue with him but that often ended up degenerating into physical violence between us, so now I just walk away. He pisses me off anyway.

I guess the reason I consider myself more spiritual than religious is because even though I do read the bible and I do believe in God, I don't necessarily take everything in the bible at face value. I tend to interpret things in my own way. And some of it I choose not to believe at all.

I tend to be open minded though. One day I might have an experience that could change my mind about it all.

2003-04-21T22:30:00.000-04:00

I had a surprisingly good day. Yay me.

Dinner at Jason's was fun. I argued with his brother, Andy, about various things. I won all arguments, of course, because I am, to quote Andy, 'a fount of useless knowlege'. He is so much fun to argue with. XD

Jason got me hooked on Scare Tactics. I laughed my ass off watching people get scared. Heeee. Of course, if anyone ever did a trick like that on me, I'd kill 'em. *nod nod*

We also watched Discovery Channel's 'James: Brother of Jesus' and 'Spear of Jesus'. Tis a tradition for me to watch Jesus shows on Easter. I used to want to be an archeologist and biblical archeology has always interested me. Not that I'm a religious person. I would consider myself more spiritual than religious. I tend to shy away from organized religion; not because I find anything wrong with it (aside from all the damn rules), it's just that I can't fully commit to any one religion without having to comprimise at least one of my beliefs. So, if I can't fully commit to it, why should I make a half-ass attempt? To cover my butt so I don't end up in Hell? Heh. I figure God knows what's in my heart, anyway, and that's all that matters to me.

Anywho, we were watching all those shows and J and bonded while mocking the silly nature of mankind.

Me: Geez, what are they gonna find next?
J: ... Ooh, the bones of the sacred cow that was there in the manger when Jesus was born. The holy cow of the nativity!
Me: Hee. I can see it now, they'll be naming a church after it. 'Sacred Cow of the Nativity Church'.
J: Yeah, and as a test to prove how it was *the* cow they'll compare it to a model of the nativity.
Me: ....*cackles*

Oh well. I'll probably end up in Hell anyway. But at least most of my friends will be there with me. XD

2003-04-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

*tries to be enthusiastic* Yay. It's Easter. Whoop whoop.

At least I get to go over J's house for dinner. I wonder if his mom bought me a chocholate bunny this year? Yum. I hope so.

2003-04-19T20:08:00.000-04:00

You know....I really really really can't deal with this shit right now.

I had to get my boyfriend to pick me up from work because when I called home for a ride my brother told me that my parents had went out quite a while ago and were still not back. I said, 'They probably went to the bar.' Shane said, 'Mom said they were gonna start at the White Swan.' I said, 'Start? So apparently they are going to more than one bar....okaaay.' Anyway, I called Jason and he brought me home.

Two hours later (about a half an hour ago) Shane comes up to my room and starts raving about how he's really pissed because Mom and Dad are home and they didn't bring him any food and he's not taking the car out because Mom ripped the side mirror off backing it into the yard. Back up. Mom did what???

I went downstairs to assess the damage. Mom and Dad are sitting out on the back porch, Mom is holding an ice-pack to her forehead.

Me: What the hell happened to you?

Mom: ...I messed up.

I went to look at the car. The side mirror is completely torn off and the side of the car is all scratched up. I sighed, shook my head and then walked back up to my room. I called Jason and complained about my family. My brother came up and we talked about how pissed we were. Shane said Dad must've smacked Mom upside the head. He said Dad was crying and saying something about how he didn't mean to hit her and he loves her and blah blah blah. I can't really say anything to that. I want to smack them both for being the incredibly irresponsible fuck-ups that they've become. Really. I'm so tired of them going out and getting drunk all of the time. My mother is almost as bad as my father now. And it pisses me off because if it had been Shane or I that had done something like that we would get bitched out and then have to hear about it all of the time because they never let us forget when we make mistakes.

I'm so fucking pissed! *screams*

Shane and I are going to get food.

*is back*

Mom is *still* sitting there with that stupid ice-pack on her head. Good. I hope it hurts her.

On the way to get food Shane said that sometimes he wishes that Mom and Dad would just crash and kill themselves instead of bringing home all the shit to us. I feel guilty because sometimes I feel the same way. I love my parents, but I hate the things they do.

I don't know what else to say. I'm so disgusted with everything.

Except, dammit, I think I'm coming down with something. Been feeling strangely feverish all day and now I feel really hot. Don't know. Could just be my blood pressure. Lord knows I've had to deal with enough stress today. *sighs*

I think I'll turn in early tonight.

2003-04-16T22:14:00.001-04:00

Take Free Enneagram Test

I stole the test from eve-kun. Guess what? I got the same exact thing as you did.

Go figure.

Actually, these types of tests are always hard for me because I really have two different personalities. I'm totally different at work from how I am outside of work. At work I am actually very social and crave attention and praise from my boss. In any other situation I usually try to hide beneath the rug so that no one notices me. I don't know if that makes me strange or not. Either way, it makes it hard for me to answer straight questions like the kind on the test because it really depends on the situation as to how I react. At work I'm organized, confident, responsible, a leader. Any other time...I'm none of those things. Hmm, maybe I am strange. Or maybe work is one of the few things I've manage to master in my life and maybe that personality is really who I am...or who I could be if I tried harder at other aspects of my life. Hmm.

Argh. Too much self anylization...mind going numb...

2003-04-16T00:02:00.000-04:00

I just got back from the concert. My throat is sore and I can't hear shit....a sure sign of a rockin' good time. XD

All I keep thinking (besides 'when will my hearing come back?') is 'OMG Def Leppard Fucking Rocked!!!' Not too shabby for a bunch of guys startin' to get on in years. Really though, their music was so good live. It's that eighties screaming guitar sound that I miss so much. The sound of their music has such a sexual feel to it, really. It was great listening to it so loud. At one point I could feel the base in my chest it was so loud and low. Anyway, they kicked major fucking ass. Major. Fucking. Ass.

During their encore they were playing 'Love Bites' when some asshole dove onto the stage. He seemed disoriented like he was surprised to have actually made it up there. It was kinda funny when two guys built like refrigerators tackled his ass. Joe Elliot, the lead singer, made a joke about it. He said it actually made his night because it had been years since anyone had done stage diving at one of thier concerts. Heh.

I had so much fun.

Damn they were good.

I'm off to bed now. Hope my hearing clears up soon because I have to play Manager on Duty at work tomorrow. ^^;;;

2003-04-15T17:02:00.000-04:00

Def Leppard tonight. Two words: rock on. XD

I was supposed to do a major overhaul of my room but I only straightened it up a bit instead. Problem is I have way too much crap. I need to get rid of stuff. Getting rid of stuff requires a couple of days to go through said crap because some of it is buried so far in my closet I can't even get to it. *sigh* I really just need to move out. Oh well.

Was a tad productive last night with writing. Snippets up at the fic log. Go me. Or not. ^^;;;

eve-kun, I wub the layout. *nod nod* Of course I'd be happy with anything you made for me (you know how I'm not picky ^_^) so feel free to tweak as you like. I'm just happy that you are nice enough to do a layout for me. *hugs*

mee-imouto, I don't think it's that I'm really happy so much as content to let things be as they are. I guess I've just accepted the fact that my life will be a certain way and I'm trying to enjoy it the best that I can. Don't really know if that made much sense. ^^

2003-04-13T23:24:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally did my taxes so I can check that off of my list of things to do. (I hate you state of Maryland. Why must you take all my money? Why?)

Tuesday night is the Def Leppard concert. I have off that day too so I'm going to spend it cleaning my room. Sure I will. (I've been telling myself that forever.)

I found a cool stall at the flea market today. It had been awhile since I'd been there. I tend to avoid the flea market in winter for some reason. *shrugs* Anyway. Greg said he wants to set up there soon to sell some of his old junk so I might go with him. I have a lot of junk that I need to get rid of too. So that I can aquire new junk. XD

Jason and I stopped in Ikea today. They have this chair that I want sooooo much. I told J that I'd buy it now if I had the room for it in my room (yeah right, my room is filled to maximum capacity.) It's just so damn comfy. And they have it in blue. In blue, I tell ye. They don't have it on their website or else I'd link it. It's kinda a big square cushion that has a low cylindric cushion as the back. It's nice to kinda lounge on cuz the cushion is so big. I loooove it and MUST have it. J says that I can store it in his room if I want til we move out (which won't be for awhile cuz we have to save our money for a house) but I want to use it. *pouts* I want to curl up on it with a good book dammit. Ah well. I'll probably go and buy it when I get some money. At least I'll have it then. *is obsessed* Or maybe....I could just get rid of my bed and sleep on the floor. Hmmm. *is actually contemplating sleeping on the floor* But then where would I store my bed? Oh well.

J's been looking at houses a lot. He's even looked at ones around where we live now. We both want to live in a single family home because we've lived in row-houses all our lives. It will be nice to be able to turn up the music a little without having to worry so much about the neighbors. (Not that I worry anyway. Hey, if they can play disco all hours of the night....) We don't plan on having kids (mainly because I refuse to give birth and there's also the fact that I have no maternal instincts whatsoever) but we want at least a two bedroom house with at least one and a half baths. Two toilets is a must. You don't know how often it bothers me that his parents only have one friggin bathroom. The 'spare' room we will have to fight over. I want it as a computer room where I can also store all my anime junk. *nod nod* I want to make it really cool though. Put a disco ball in there and stuff. J said that I'd probably rig it somehow so that when you open the door dance music automatically starts playing and the disco lights come on. Of course, his saying that made me want to do it. Heh. But he also wants a room where he can put all his music instruments and have a studio. (He doesn't really have much music abilty other than to bang or strum away randomly, but he has tons of instruments....yeah, he's a tad odd. Then again, I have tons of manga in japanese and I don't read japanese so....I geuss we are both a tad odd. Maybe that's why we get on so well.) Either way, once we have our house, it's gonna be one happening place. Woo hoo! Although, it really won't be for awhile. Ah well.

2003-04-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

WEEEE!

Greg and I went to the Laurell K. Hamilton booksigning. Wow. She is such a cool person. And so is her husband. They are so down to earth and they loooove the fans and they were just really cool to meet. They both got a kick out of my sweatshirt which has a little turtle with flames shooting out of it's backside on it. ^_^ I got Care Bear's book personallized for her since it was a belated birthday present. Aren't I a good friend? *toots own horn*

Greg and I had a really cool day hanging out together. We went shopping all over the mall and also stopped at Best Buy where I spent way too much money. Heeeee. Yay. Red Dwarf is coming out on dvd now. Weeee.

After I came home I watched ep. 51 of Full Moon. Jumpin Jesus on a polgo stick! I hope ep. 52 is finished downloading by the time I get home from work tomorrow cuz I MUST SEE IT. XD

I had a really good day except this: My mom thinks I somehow managed to break the front screen door when really her drunk ass is just as responsible. She rushed out to get sodas yesterday when my uncle said he was coming over so that they'd have something to drink with their rum and after she left I kept hearing this banging on the porch. Finally I went to see what it was and it was the door banging around from the wind cuz it hadn't been closed all the way. Well, now she's trying to say it's my fault and that I owe them three hundred dollars for a new door (words I suspect originated with my father because I can just imagine the childish tirade he must have thrown). Anyway. I'm so sick and tired of them always trying to get money out of me. If it's money they want, fine, I'll fucking give it to them just to shut them the hell up. But then why should I? If they didn't spend so much money on alchohol they'd have plenty of money to do routine maintainence on the house (which they never do and the place looks like shit and is practically falling down around us.) They irritate the crap out of me sometimes. What I really want to say to them is, "Oh, just take it out of my college money...oh wait, that's right, you already did you fucking greedy bastards!!!" Really. I got so much money back from the gov. for college tuition that I had paid (my father paid for NOTHING and said that as long as I was in school I wouldn't have to pay rent). BUT, since my father claimed me on his taxes my refund of money that I had paid towards college (which was about two thousand dollars) went to him. And the fucking bastard wouldn't give me my money back. I can't say that I hate my father but sometimes he really really really pisses me off. When I move out I'm not talking to him anymore. Period. I don't want to have anything to do with him. Ah well. Shit happens. It just seems to happen to me a lot. *is vexed*

2003-04-10T17:28:00.000-04:00

It's days like this that I wonder why it was even worth getting out of bed in the morning.

Work was hell. Litterally. The whole in-store marketing staff ganged up on me this morning bitching about stuff that I already fucking knew about. I swear one of these days I'm going to kirk the fuck out on them and go berserk and punch someone. Probably Theresa or Penni. It's hard to say because they both have really fucking big mouths. Then Keith calls and wants this thing done, but I can't get it done cuz of a backup with fashions (which is recievings fault but somehow I end up being made to feel like it was my fault). So I called Latoya on her cell and she told me to calm down and don't let them bother me. I told her I'd come in at 7 tomorrow to help get that thing done since I didn't have time to do it today. So now, I'm going in there on my day off for three fucking hours to help out. Why the fuck do I have to open my mouth?

And, now my father is telling me to break the law. Yes he is. I come home after a shitty day at work and then my mom says that I have to get my driver's liscence because she was calling around trying to get better insurance but this one place which is really cheap won't cover them because I live in the house and have a permit but not a liscence. My dad said, and I quote, 'You better get your fucking liscence soon or else when you renew your permit put Jason's address on it.' WTF??? Dude, that's called breaking the fucking law. What an asshole. This day is just going from bad to worse. I feel like everything is my fault, even those things that aren't my fault are somehow my fault now.

Yup. Just kill me now and be done with it.

2003-04-08T12:41:00.000-04:00

Weather turned to shit. It figures. Ah well, Spring will come eventually.

Greg and I are going to a Laurell K. Hamilton book signing on Friday. I'm kinda excited about it. Well, it will be nice to hang out with Greg, anyway. We have so much fun being dorks and checking out hot guys together but we don't get the chance to do it that much anymore. One of us is always busy doing something else. Actually, I don't hang with most of my friends as much as I used to because I spend most of my free time with Jason. Not that I really have that much free time.

Dawn told me the funniest story the other day. She went over to look at something on Greg's car and wound up fixing it. She said it was quite the picture: the butch lesbian fixing the car while the two fairies hovered over her helpless like. She said it went something like this:

D: Hand me the wrench.
Ricky: Uh...which one's the wrench?
D: *sigh* Hold the flashlight.
Greg: *whining* I caaaan't. My arm's getting tired.

Heehee. Actually, I don't think her story was much of an exaggeration, knowing Greg and Ricky. Aw, but I still love you guys. *huggles*

I'm supposed to be getting various things done today but am being lazy instead. I really do have to finish my taxes but...ah...I'll do it later. XD

eve-kun, here's your reminder. GET KUSHIEL!!! READ IT AND BECOME AN ADDICT. *grin*

mee-imouto, *huggles* I don't much like baseball anymore, but it's fun to go to a game. There's all the food and the vendors are so amusing. The peanut guy was like 'Who wants peanuuuuuuutss!! Hey, you want some, I know you do. *throws peanuts into crowd* Alright! Peanuts in da houuussse! You da man!' Yeah, so I actually missed most of the game because I was watching the peanut vendor. XD PS: I like the new layout.

2003-04-06T18:04:00.000-04:00

What a weekend.

I went to go see Spirited Away with Jason, John and Care Bear at Arundle Mills. Twas fun. I have to admit, at first sign of weirdness I was like 'wtf?' but then I got into the movie and suddenly it all seemed so normal. I really liked the movie. Even Jason liked it. Wee. We also stopped at the Sanrio store so I bought tons of Hello Kitty stickers to finish stickering my t.v. with. Oh, and I covered my cell phone with them too. I'm such a child. XD

Today I went to the baseball game with my family and Jason. My dad got the company tickets. I love those seats. They are right behind home plate. The game sucked though. The Orioles got their asses kicked majorly by Boston. There were tons of Boston fans at the game though. There was actually more cheering for Boston than for the Orioles. Not that I'm a big baseball fan anymore. I don't even keep up with it like I used to a few years ago...damn, ok actually like ten years ago. (Where the hell does time go?) It was a nice outing. Good weather. Yay Spring.

I'm so tired though. Maybe I should nap. That sounds like a good plan.

2003-04-02T22:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I finished Kushiel's Chosen. Wow. I really flew through those books. It's been awhile that I was so into a book that I couldn't put it down. I think the last time that happened was when I read Harry Potter, and even then...wow. The third book promises to be very dark. Wah. Why must authors torment their characters so? Oh well.

Care Bear ran into me at work yesterday and ended up coming home with me to visit. It was nice. We watched American Idol. We also watched Azumanga...lol. I told her it was crack, but she didn't believe me til she saw it for herself. She cooed over my mp3 player enough so that she's decided to get one for herself. I gave her the cds I made for her but she called me a little while ago to say they aren't playing right so I'll have to go over there and see why they aren't working. We made plans to go see Spirited Away on Saturday. Wee. Oh, and she got me addicted to Evanescence. Yup yup.

D called and we made plans to go see a movie on Friday night. Yay.

Jason. I love him. He's irritating sometimes but I love him anyway.

My mom lost her job already. They decided she wasn't the right person for the job. Oh well. Screw them.

Rick's wife passed away two nights ago. I feel numb. Ms. Shirley was so kind; she didn't deserve to suffer. But then, who does? I guess I'm numb to it because over the last few years I've watched so many people I love suffer long, lingering, painful deaths. I just can't deal with it anymore.

2003-03-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

Damn you, Jacqueline Carey.

*tries to put book down and fails*

Damn you.

*goes back to reading book*

2003-03-27T23:43:00.000-05:00

I feel exhausted.

I could have slept in this morning. I should have slept in this morning. But the book was calling me.

I started reading Kushiel's Dart a couple of weeks ago. I read it off and on while on break at work, barely making a dent in it. I think I might have been somewhere around page fifty when I sat down to read it yesterday around four-thirty. And read I did. Although it was interesting I didn't really get into it until about a quarter of the way through. Then there was no putting the damn thing down. I read pretty much all night til two-thirty in the morning and then woke up at seven-thirty and read straight through til I had to leave for work at ten of one. I read it at lunch and had five pages left to finish when I came home.

I am finished it now. *sighs* But now I have to read it's sequel. See...this is why I have a love/hate relationship with Fantasy books. They always seem to be at least trilogies; sometimes they are epics that span the length of many many books. Sometimes when I'm reading a really good book I get upset when it's over. That's why I love Fantasy series. But also I get upset sometimes when reading further down the road and stuff happens to the characters that I've come to love. For instance, I really liked Exiles by Melanie Rawn, but then I accidently read something near the end of the second book (it just fell open to that page and I happened to glance down....yeah like anyone's going to believe that....but it's true ^_^) and found out that one of my favorite characters had died. I was like 'Noooo!' So, the questions to ask myself are 'do I want to find out what happens?' or 'do I want to remain blissfully ignorant?'

Ah well.

Other news. My mom got a job today. She starts tomorrow. It's good news for our family, but bad news for me since I no longer have transportation to work. Must. Get. Liscence. I'll have to catch a ride in with my dad, be dropped off at seven and wait around for two hours until my shift begins. And on the days I work night I'll just have to take a cab. I would take the bus but a) there are a lot of wackos that ride the bus b) the local bus route sucks and c) there are a lot of wackos on the bus. But I'm glad for my mom. She seems really excited to be going back to work. They said this job is a temp, but it's supposed to last through the summer. And it pays more than the last one she had.

Also, my mom went to the eye doctor's yesterday and they said she had some bleeding behind her eyes. The doctor said she could have diabetes so she has an appointment next week to get it checked out. Poor Mom. She always has some crisis to deal with.

I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight (yes, midnight is early for me) and then sleep in tomorrow since I have off. I must enjoy tomorrow, it's the last day I have off til next Friday. Stupid long weekends. *grumbles*

I think I'll work on ficcing tomorrow. Gosh I've been lazy lately.

Oh well.

2003-03-24T17:59:00.000-05:00

*is in a panic*

I think I lost my cell phone. Dammit! Grrrr. I can't find it anywhere. I tried calling it but I can't hear it ringing anywhere but the battery was low so it might have turned off. The last time I can clearly remember having it was yesterday on the way back down from Big Round Top in Ghettysburg (only because I remember wanting to call Care Bear). I had it clipped to my pants. I only got out of Jason's car twice after that. Once to walk around the field by the Highwater Mark and once when we stopped at the Utz Outlet Store. I can't remember if it was still attached to me then or not. I hope it fell off in Jason's car. I called him last night at eleven-thirty and he said he'd look for it today. Now he's at Jiffy Lube and I don't know when he'll be home so that I can check with him. Dammit, can't he just be home so that I can find out? I could't sleep last night once I realized it was missing (I went to recharge it before going to bed, but I couldn't find it.) Then I had to work at seven this morning so I only got about three hours of sleep. I just got home after working ten hours and now I have to go back in at seven tomorrow because we didn't get everything finished today that we had planned on----

Yay! Jason just called from Jiffy Lube to say he had my phone. *cries in relief* Thank you, God. Thank you.

*sighs* Boy do I feel better now. At least I'll be able to sleep tonight. Probably. Hopefully.

*hugs Meemee-imouto* Thanks for the comment on the sketch. I like blue. Bluish-green is purty too. ^_^ Oh, and Utz company is a local company in the region. I'm not sure how far they distribute their products. It may just be Pennsylvania and Maryland...or maybe some other states nearby. But they do have the best potato chips. *nod nod*

2003-03-23T18:29:00.000-05:00

Wow, it was so nice outside today. Jason and I rode up to Ghettysburg. We had lunch and toured the battlefields a bit. It was nice to be outside enjoying the weather. We climbed to the top of Big Round Top and admired the view. It was so beautiful there.

On the way back we stopped in Hanover, PA and visited the Utz Potato Chip outlet. I loooove Utz Potato Chips. The factory is right there. I wanted to tour it and watch them making the chips but it's only open Monday-Thursday. Ah well. I bought a big tin of chips for my dad which he is enjoying right now. ^_^

I watched the end of Haibane Renmei last night. It inspired this sketch. I don't know why I feel the urge to fool around with everything in Photoshop all of the time. Things look ok...then I mess with them. *shrugs*

Oh, on a related note...I wub the soundtrack to Haibane. It's eerie...but it's good.

I have to work at seven tomorrow. It sucks but oh well. At least I'll be busy all day and the time will go by fast. *nod nod* Hey...does that mean I get off early too? Damn. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Hugs to the usual.

2003-03-22T20:26:00.000-05:00

I'm tired...go figure.

Work was a whirlwind today. Busy busy busy, call-outs galore. This new guy, P, keeps flirting with me. There's nothing behind it (at least I hope not), but whatever. I wore a rather low cut blouse today and I was in the stockroom bending over as I reached for some clothes and who should happen to walk by and comment on the view? P. Of course. He takes the flirting a little too far to be comfortable. I'm between wanting to laugh it off and kick him in the head. I'm fine with the flirting...and even the somewhat vulgar comments don't bother me....what bothers me is when he jokingly reaches over as if he's gonna cop a feel. I told him to get away. I'm not comfortable even casual touching. I've been inappropriately groped before so I'm more than a little leary when people get into my comfort zone. I know he's only kidding, but that shit does not fly with me. I told him to get the hell away. *nod nod*

I may go on a day trip with Jason tomorrow. Don't know where. Maybe Ghettysburg...or Harpers Ferry. I don't know. Maybe we'll just go wherever the road takes us. It's too nice out to stay inside though.

I've been neglecting so many things lately. I have to work on some of my fics soon. Probably after I make all these damn cd's for Care Bear.

2003-03-19T18:53:00.000-05:00

So....tired....

I have off work tomorrow. Yay. Of course, I have to spend most of the day cleaning and the rest of the day making cd's for Care Bear. Of course, I'll probably just end up being lazy and skipping the cleaning. ^_^

*wanders off to find something to eat*