Infinitesimal version the second


Gah. So tired.

I had an okay day at work. I pretty much played around in the home fashions department rearranging some things. Wee. Twas kind of fun. There was a meeting but Keith said us leads didn't have to attend if we had too much work to do so I didn't go. That man likes to talk too much, and while I do relish the time away from the salesfloor, I didn't feel the need for a nap. Hah.

My foot is still bothering me. It's my left heel. Or right under my left heel. Jason said maybe it's because I wear a lot of flat shoes, but I really don't think that has anything to do with it. I mean, why would it just start bothering me all of a sudden then? It hurts all day, but only when I put a lot of pressure on it. But then, at night, after I sit down for a while and then get up again....ouchie. I have to limp around for a little. I probably should call my insurance company and set up an appointment with a doctor. I really don't feel like going to a doctor, though. Gah. Maybe I'll see about calling them at lunch tomorrow. Maybe. Probably not.

Carrie called me at lunchtime and asked me to hang out with her and Jon after work so I did. We went up to White Marsh, cruised the mall and then stopped at Bennigen's for dinner. They have decent food. Then we came back to my house and watched anime. Something called Colorfuls or something like that. Basically short little segments on perverted guys and their quests for the perfect panty shots. It was highly amusing anime crack. Especially in English. Heee.

Well, off to bed cuz I have to work again tomorrow. Weeeee.

PS: *hugs Mee-imouto* Sitting around doing nothing is the best, isn't it? XDXD

serena was here @ 12:13 AM


My brother is an ass. And a lazy ass at that. I'm not helping him. I refuse to go near him and listen to his stupid closed minded views. Idiot. Jerk. *kicks brother*

Ah, I feel better now.

I've been lazy all day. I've been downloading anime, watching anime, checking out what new things tokyopop has acquired, and pretty much sitting on my duff doing jack crap. It feels swell. XD

serena was here @ 6:59 PM

Work was ok Sat. Well, I mostly hid out in the office and avoided doing any real work. What can I say? I was having a bout of laziness. XD

Saturday night I hung out with Richard and Greg. Shane came along for the ride. I don't know why I ever think inviting my brother along is a good idea. He's so very annoying. Anywho, we went to the mall and then to the movies. I bought two new manga and two new books and a new barbie. Actually, that was the first barbie I bought in a long time. But, it was such a good bargain I couldn't pass it up. So, now I have more stuff to junk up my room. Woohoo.

I'm supposed to be helping my brother clean his room. I have yet to leave my own sanctuary. Of course, I'm getting hungry so I guess I'll have to leave my room sooner or later. Hmm. Smells like dinner is cooking already. Perhaps food is a good idea.

serena was here @ 12:23 PM


Gah. What a week. I'm so glad it's almost over.

As if all that work at work wasn't enough to do, when I went in Wednesday I was told we had to have ALL of the overstock for ALL the Land's End product ready to transfer to the Hunt Valley store by Friday morning. So, I had to abandon all my other normal work, leave the floor in the hands of my staff and work in the stockroom for two days straight rushing around to get things ready to ship out. Bastard upper management. Gah. Anyway, it's all finished now. Well, all except for a little bit that we couldn't finish that Keith said we could ship out Wednesday. Phew. But, because I was so busy doing all of that stuff I had no time to do the schedules. So, I had to do them this morning, on my day off, and take them up there to put out. I can never get away from that place. Plus, I'm not even supposed to be doing work at home because I'm hourly. I didn't really have a choice though. I should sew those bastards. For something. Grrrr.


The Matchbox 20 concert was awesome. It's funny now that I think about it, how we ended up going. A couple of my friends from work were going and I guess I got caught up in the excitement and got my brother to order us tickets. Shane only knows three of their songs, Jason none. I was surprised at how many I knew, really. I kept going, 'Hey, I know this song!' Hah. I'm such an uber dork. But we all had a really good time. Sugar Ray performed for about an hour before Matchbox 20 came on. Sugar Ray was awesome. They are such a fun band. Hmm. Going to this concert kind of turned me into a fan of both bands. Not to say I didn't like thier music before, but it's not like I listen to it except for when it's on the radio. Now I'm thinking I might have to pick up a few cd's next time I'm out. D'oh. I'm so easily brainwashed.

Mom and I were jamming out a little while ago. I put on the Cars Greatest Hits and we were dancing around and singing into hairbrushes. Twas fun. I guess dorkiness is in my genes.

Jason and I are supposed to go out tonight but I have to run up to work again when my brother gets home to pick up this foosball table I bought for him yesterday. Penni told me at lunch they had the displays really cheap cuz they're getting rid of them so I called Shane at work from my cell and asked him if he wanted one. Well, I don't know where the hell we're putting it because his room is a disaster area. It looks like I'll be spending Sunday and Monday helping him clean and make room down there for this thing. Until then, I guess it'll just have to stay out on the porch. *shrugs* Something else for my father to bitch about. Ah well. I think I could actually squeeze into my room but then I would have no floor space left at all and I'd have to climb over furniture just to get to my computer or my closet. Heh.

Hoping to go to the movies tonight. I'll have to see how this foosball thing works out first. I can see this becoming a major fiaso. Damn me and my impulsive buying.

Oh, and by the by, boo, I don't have off this weekend. Well, not entirely. Working in retail (especially if you are management) you rarely get a whole weekend off. Although, my normal days off are Friday's and Sunday's. 'Cept when it's my turn to work Sunday then it's usually Tuesday and Friday or Friday and Saturday. But, because I work for a cheap ass company that is trying to save money I get off Monday this week as well since I'm getting paid for it anyway. Plus, if I worked on a holiday they'd have to pay me time and a half and they are not going to do that. Not that I really mind. Hell, I'd rather just have off. ^________^

serena was here @ 3:24 PM


Work is pretty much back to normal now. It's driving me crazy again. The distric managers will be in the store again tomorrow since their visit last week was interrupted and Keith wants everything to be perfect for them. Plus, there is all this training and things we have to do to get ready for a new time keeping system that's going into effect in June. On top of that I have to make sure that the salesfloor is ready for the big Memorial Day Weekend Sale. And I have to make schedules and anything else that Latoya normally takes care of since she's on vacation. And do everything I normally do which entails straigtening the floor, taking care of customers, putting away merchandise, etc. All this I have to squeeze into a six and a half hour day (since hours have been cut back.) Suffice to say, I've been one busy little beaver.

Well, Mom just called that dinner's ready so I guess I'll nab some food. Wee.

serena was here @ 6:02 PM


Today has been busy.

We had our meeting at work this morning for three hours. Then I went with Jason to some thrift store because he bought some kind of organ there. (The kind you play...not a body part.) Then we came back to my house and had dinner. (We eat extremely early on Sundays.) Then we went up to work where Darlene picked us up to take us to the funeral home.

It was kind of hard being there, of course. Sarah came up and gave me a hug. She's so cute. She's a huggy type of kid. She just glomps right on to ya. Last time Pat had her at work (it was bring your kid to work day) and she was chasing me around the office and we were laughing and I got us both in trouble. I'm such a child.

There were lot's of people there that I hadn't seen for awhile, some of my old managers that have gone to other stores. It was nice to see them, just wish it had been under different circumstances.

Dar told me that Rick had said they did an autopsy and now they think it may have been an annurism. I guess it really doesn't matter. I mean, what's done is done. I think I'm just still in shock, partly because I was there when it happened. I'm alright but I'm changed from this experience I think.

serena was here @ 4:33 PM


I can’t say I feel better today. Although I feel normal, and today was a relatively normal day considering everything that happened yesterday, something is missing. I feel off somehow. Something’s not quite right.

Darlene said she couldn’t sleep last night because she kept thinking about Pat. At least she was off yesterday; she didn’t have to experience it first hand. She said she thanks God she was off because she doesn’t think she would have been able to handle it had she been there. Knowing Dar, she’s absolutely right.

I had trouble getting to sleep last night also. Every few minutes Pat’s name would pop into my head and then I’d see her. I’d see her sitting in that chair, all small and pale and lost looking. She had this look on her face like she wanted to say ‘Help me!’ but couldn’t get the words out because her body refused to cooperate. And I stood there frozen; because that’s what I do in a crisis situation. I’m so glad that there were other people in there that were quick thinking.

Talked to Heather today at lunch and we filled in the blanks for each other with what happened yesterday since she had arrived in the office right after I had left it. Heather told me that she believes that Pat had already passed on by the time she had arrived in the office, which would have been only seconds after I had left it. She said when she got in there Rick was holding Pat in the chair and she was all stiff and twitching slightly. They thought she might be having a seizure. Heather told them to put her on the floor. She said they had a hard time getting her out of the chair because her body was so tightly wound. By then she stopped breathing. Rick began CPR while Heather checked her wrist for a pulse. There was none. They turned her body slightly so that she was facing Heather, thinking that perhaps she was choking on something. Heather said that her pupils were dilated and that her face was blank. She must have died there, in the office, right after I had run out of there. The paramedics arrived and made everyone clear the room but it was too late. They had to try to revive her though. It’s what they do.

I ran out of there like the coward that I am (at least I had an excuse to run out of there, thank God I had an excuse to get the hell out of there when I did). But at least Heather was there. Heather held her hand while she died. I don’t think I could have done that. I’m not strong like that.

They’re saying it was a massive heart attack. But she was only forty years old and in relatively good health, except for the diabetes. It doesn’t make sense to me.

They are having the viewings this Saturday and Sunday. Darlene offered to drive me and Jason to it. She doesn’t want to go alone. I don’t blame her. So, we are going Sunday. Sunday we are going to say good bye to Pat.

I keep trying to hold on to her. I can hear the sound of her laughter in my head and I think it’s important that I don’t lose it.

Thanks for the support, everyone. I love you all. *hugs*

serena was here @ 8:53 PM


Today was a cold reminder of how sudden a person can be taken away from us.

It started out like any other day at work except for a little bit more pressure since the big bosses were coming in for a visit. Today was my day to play the manager on duty. Pat paged me to take care of a customer on the phone that wanted to talk to a manager. I went to the office and Pat paged Len for me since it was a problem to do with his department. Len came and we got things straightened out. We looked over and Pat was sitting there really quiet and her face was very pale and ashen. Everyone (everyone being Nancy and Rosie) asked if she was alright. She said she didn't feel well. Then she said to call Rick (the operations manager) because she wanted to go home. We were all immediately worried of course because Pat is diabetic. Nancy got a hold of Rick and Rosie went to get a wet towel for Pat's forehead. She looked so pale and small and on the verge of passing out. Rick came running in. He went to help Pat stand so that Rosie could drive her home but she collapsed. Rick yelled to call an ambulance so Nancy did. They were paging for a manager in Hardware so I had to go out there. I passed Heather on the way and told her what was happening. Then I went to find Keith (the store manager) who was out walking the salesfloor with our District Managers to let him know what was going on. He rushed right back to the office. By the time I got back to the doors to the office the paramedics had arrived. They were in there working on her for about fifteen minutes or so. Heather came out and told me that Pat had stopped breathing and Rick had begun CPR before the paramedics had arrived. Heather said that Pat's skin had turned blue. Finally, they took her to the hospital. Rick rode in the ambulance with her. We waited. About a half an hour later Keith said that he needed all staff members to come back to the office at 1:00. Karen told me Rob was in his office crying. I went to the office about five after one because I had been covering the Jewelry Dept. and I had to wait for Dawn to come back before I could leave. When I walked in there everyone was either crying or standing around looking shocked. Keith came over and told me that Pat had passed away; 'She didn't make it,' he said. Then he gave me a hug. Latoya came over and hugged me as well. Nancy and Karen were crying so bad that Keith sent them home for the day. I didn't cry. I usually don't when someone dies, I don't know why. I guess it's just my way of dealing with death. Not to deal with it.

It all happened so fast. She was fine one minute and then within three or four minutes she had passed out. But still, I keep wondering if there was more I could have done. Would it have made a difference if we had called the paramedics right away instead of waiting? It's eating at me a little.

When Rick came back from the hospital he looked like he just wanted to break down. That set me off, thinking about Rick and how he just lost his wife and now this... I went into the bathroom and cried for a few minutes. Then I splashed some water on my face and went back to the salesfloor because there was work that needed to be done. Keith kept coming up to me and asking me how I was doing, was I ok? I told him I was ok. I just think it hasn't hit me yet. When I go to work tomorrow she won't be there. She'll never be there again. It's not ok. I think about Pat's nine year old daughter, Sarah, and I know it's not ok.

This is just too sudden. It hasn't had time to sink in. I've never dealt with death this way before. Everyone I know that has passed on has died after a long illness. It was expected. Of course, even when it's expected it's still a shock. But nothing in my life prepared me for this. I keep feeling like this is some nightmare that I'll wake up from. But I know it's not.

Pat, you were a good friend. You helped me out many times when I needed someone's guidance. You fed me, made me angry on occasion, made me laugh always, and learned me some new curse words. I miss you already.

serena was here @ 7:26 PM


I finally finished the drawing I promised for Jason for Valentine's day. It's only three months late, not too shabby. *grin*

I guess the reason I took so long was because:

A) J said, 'I don't care what you draw me. I just want a drawing from you.' So, I therefore had to wait until inspiration reared it's head. If he had told me, 'I want a drawing of some fruit,' then I don't think it would have taken me so long.

B) I'm a lazy, unmotivated arse.

C) Both A and B are correct.

Heh. Anywho, here's the drawing. A self portrait inspired by my new hat. I didn't use a mirror because I hate using mirrors. I find them distracting. So, instead I took a pic of myself with my webcam and printed it out. This is the first thing I've drawn in a long time that I'm really happy with. Go me.

serena was here @ 9:49 PM


Well, I picked up my film from Walmart. Yay. Here's a lil comic I did of my mom and I driving around today. Just cuz my mom is really funny sometimes. Not that she means to be...

Anywho, I'll scan my six flags pics in tomorrow. Oh, and also those snow pics I keep promising Richard. Heh.

serena was here @ 4:44 PM

Many adventures this weekend. Too numerous to recount all of them.

A few memorable moments:

There is not enough room in a teeeny weeeny sofa bed for three adults dammit. XD

Late night giggle fest.

Almost falling into a large puddle that could have probably qualified as a small stream. (Thanks for saving me, Greg!)

Ponchos are fun. But hot when the sun comes out.

Getting stuck strapped in at the bottom of the Tower of Terror was more frightening than actually riding the Tower of Terror.

Magic Flying Loose Change!!!

Superman Ride of Steel is the shizznit!

Batwing is. (My brain area feels weird...hope I'm not having an annurism brought on by the tremendous g-forces.)

My mom was the only one to say 'Happy Mother's Day'.

X2 baby. I think it was better than the first one. At least, that's my opinion.

Walmart sucks ass. I want my film you bastards!

Er...anyway, that was my weekend in a nutshell. Gah. I'm tired. *looks at clock* No wonder. It's almost one in the morning. When the hell did it get so late? Okies..I'm getting incoherent, so I'll leave off here.

serena was here @ 12:52 AM


Went shopping yesterday and bought this new hat. I really like it. Now I'm in a hat buying mood and I want to go and buy more hats. Wee!

I've been fairly bored all day. When I woke up it was rainy, but now it's really lovely outside. It almost makes me want to do some outdoor type of activity. But, sitting here at the computer by the open window is good enough.

I think I'll practice my drawing for a bit. Maybe I'll actually finish Jason's drawing before he comes over tonight.

Mee-imouto, er...I wasn't being sarcastic. Although, I *do* have a very dry sense of humor and it is sometimes hard to tell. (Even more so on the net I guess, because it's hard to tell someone's tone, hehe.) But, I really am having fun not being at work, despite the boredom. ^_^

Boo. *waves* Hiya! I love roller coasters now, but I didn't ride my first one til I was sixteen. And, no matter what, I'm still a chicken about them. I panick before I get on them, but after a few warm up rides, it's all fun. XD

serena was here @ 4:27 PM


Yay! Lisa's Super Fun Time Off From Work has officially begun. Let the fun commence! *bangs gong*

Can everyone tell how excited I am to be off of work? XDXD

Anywho. I'm going over Care Bear's house in a little bit. It's been a while since we've gotten together. I think we're going to watch anime. Tis what we usually do. Wee! Then Jon is supposed to meet us there so that he can take us to Pandora's so that I can get more WHR. He's so friggin obsessed. He should just buy it himself and leave me outta it. Heh.

Then on Saturday I'm going to Six Flags America with Greg and Richard. Yay, roller coasters! Double yay, cuz I've never been there before!

Imouto, yesh, it was hilarious. But not until after the fact. My boss was laughing at me so hard because my face got all red. I blush very very easily. And it was sorta embarrassing. Hah.

Anne! Omg! I remember that! *cackles* Yeah, it's been a while since we've had an incident like that in the store. Ha! Oh, by the by, I talked to Richard and he says the Red Dwarf marathon sounds fun. So, all I have to do is wait for my schedule at work to come out (it's taking forever dammit!!!) and then I'll let everyone know when. Oh, and Richard insisted we come up with a name for it so after about a quarter second of thinking he came up with 'Smeggathon'. Ha!

eve-kun, you are so absolutely right. Except, it's funny in hindsight. At the time, it was just strange and awkward. And creepy. Heh.

Well, off to have fun. Weeeeee!

serena was here @ 11:03 AM


I'm so tired. I've been dragging all day. I'm blaming it on the rainy weather because I know I got enough sleep last night (for once).

Work today went pretty well. The store was down in sales for Sunday (we were the only ones in the district) so our store manager recieved a call from his boss first thing this morning. Ha. Not my fault; I was off yesterday. They think traffic in the store was slow because of a carnival that came to town this weekend. Probably, but oh well. We didn't have a staff meeting today because Keith wanted us to concentrate on our departments. That was nice.

Oh, and a strange thing happened to me at work this morning. Josie asked me to help out a customer that was on the phone. The customer had bought this jacket and wanted to know whether or not we still had them and how much they were now. I checked. It was on clearance for $12.00 (it was originally $24.00). She said she had gotten hers for $9.00 the other day. I told her that yes, the other day we had an extra 25% off of our clearance. She wanted to know when it would be cheaper than she had paid for it because she wanted the difference. I told her that we do not do sales adjusments on clearance. Once you buy an item on clearance that's the price you pay for it. She was like 'ok' . Then:

Customer: So, did you get one?
Me: *thinking that I must have misheard her* Um...excuse me?
C: Did you buy one?
C: Why not? Didn't you like them?
Me:'s just that I wouldn't fit in them.
C: Oh? But they come up to an extra large. You wouldn't fit in that?
Me: No, I wouldn't.
C: Are you a big girl?
Me: *kinda wondering where the hell she is going with this* Sorta.
C: You don't sound like a big girl.
Me: *recieving strange looks from boss who is standing right in front of me* I have a small voice.
C: Oh. Are you the one with glasses?
Me: ....Yeah.
C: I know you. Yeah, I see you there all the time.
Me: Oh, really? Well, er, ok.
C: Well, it's been nice talking to ya.
Me: Ok. Have a nice day, ma'am.



I mean, really. Wtf?

Ah well.

I went to the anime store yesterday when I was hanging out with J. I was a good girl and only bought what I had went in there for. Well, sorta. I wanted to get the Haibane Renmei soundtrack but they didn't have it so I got the image album instead. Tis booooootiful. I'm listening to it right now. Track seven is too cute for words. Squee!

serena was here @ 8:03 PM



Dammit all to hell and back! I hate you you fucking computer!!!!!!

*calms down*

I had this post all written and the fucker freezes up on me. Damn you.

Anywho. Long story short: Dad drunk. Dad passed out in car. Lisa not amused. Although brother and mother seemed quite even took pictures. What is wrong with my family?

I talked to D and was telling her. She always says she's sorry for what I'm going through because she knows, she went through it with her father and mother. But I keep telling her that I really don't care about it. It's just embarrassing as all hell. Then I feel a twinge of guilt, but I don't know if it's because I really do care, or because I feel guilty for saying I don't care and really meaning it.

Dad spent a few hours in the car with Mom periodically trying to wake him up enough to get him in the house. I told her just to leave him in there, it wasn't like anyone was going to steal him. Then, a few minutes ago, the neighbors from across the alley came over to help Mom drag his semi-conscious carcass into the house and onto the living room couch. Great. Fucking fantastic.


I give up.

serena was here @ 9:19 PM


Thursday night was interesting.

Jason picked me up and we made our way to the
Senator Theater for the premiere of the Maryland Film Festival. We arrived about a half an hour behind schedule because J couldn't remember how to get there. I had never been to the Senator before. It really is a gorgeous little theater.

We met J's cousin Erin and she hooked us up with our free tickets. Yay. I wub you Erin. We got our programs, popcorn and such and went to find seats. There were many filmakers there. Directors, actors, crew. It was a different sort of atmosphere. The showing was the old classic 'On the Waterfront'. If you never heard of that movie you've definately know it. It's the one in which a young (and might I add HOT) Brando has his famous line, 'I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody.' Oh yeah. It was really a good film. And to see it in that historic theater I kept imagining that must have been a little bit of what it had been like to see a movie back then. Very cool.

The movie was hosted by Barry Levinson. I can't tell you how cool it was to be in the same room with him and hear him speak. After the movie he did a Q & A session. Hearing him speak about movies (and about his own films in particular) was just...I can't describe it with words. It was too awesome. I guess because I love movies so much, and also the technical side of filmaking, it was such a wonderful experience.

After the movie there was an after party at a place across the street. It was a ritzy type of an affair in which I felt totally out of place. There was a continuous line of people crushing to get free food. While I was waiting in line to get free booze J elbowed my side and I turned to see John Waters standing right next to me! He's even more freaky looking in person. I shamelessly eavesdropped on his conversation.

J and I took off after about forty minutes. I got tired of being around all the fakeness. Although, to be honest, the most real people there were the most famous ones. Both John Waters and Barry Levinson seemed really down to earth. It was all the leeches hovering round that drank champaign and laughed thier little tinkling fake laughs that got on my nerves. Bleh.

When we left we saw John Waters and Barry Levinson talking outside. I almost wanted to go up and say hi but I know what would have happened. I would have frozen up and then in my nervousness stupid things would just come out of my mouth at random intervals. So, we left.

Overall it was a wonderful experience.

And Anne, this is why I love you. Cuz you say things like 'I worship John Waters. I always have this dream that he sees me across a crowded party and I inspire him to make a whole movie centered around me cuz I'm so fucking fabulous. Just one of my many delusions.' XDXD

I truly believe, had you been there it could have happened. It's just the type of thing to happen...especially when John Waters is involved.

serena was here @ 11:12 AM


Had a scare the other day with the puter. It stopped working and I thought I was going to have to lose all my data again. Fortunately, I did not call tech support; I called Richard instead. He fixed my memory problem and then we found out that my mouse had died and that's why my puter wasn't starting up. Right now I'm borrowing a mouse from Andy until I get to compusa. Now, if only I can figure out what the hell is wrong with my blog...

Today I went through my entire room (except for the stuff stashed under my bed) and made up three huge boxes full of books, old tapes, and other assorted junk that I don't want anymore. Greg and I are going to the flea market on Sunday to sell our old crap to other people. Wee. I actually have room in my closet now. It's weird. I keep wondering what to put there. I think I might take some of my manga off of my wall o' manga and put them in the empty crate in my closet, just so my room doesn't look so clutterd. Not that that will make much of a difference. Heh. I also found a bunch of old Barbies that I had stored in my closet. So, since I know have room on one of my shelves, I'm taking them out to display them. It's so much fun. Jason was over here helping me for a bit and I had him opening Barbies and setting them up on thier little stands. It was quite amusing. XD

serena was here @ 10:47 PM

part of the Inuyasha marathon


alias: serena
aim: serenab4
email: here
site: simplicity
fic blog: unicorn blues
also blogs at: sml


This layout features Inuyasha, the (currently slightly grouchy) character from the series of the same name. Fonts are Velvet and Redensek, brushes are from Nocturna and Brushy. This layout was coded by Sophie for the Inuyasha marathon.

Inuyasha blog marathon:



~ethereal melody
~lucid dreaming
~omnikartera whamasu
~shameless name dropping
~stream of conscious
~w n p?

~in passing...

fave comics:

~never knew
~fate martyr sapheire


~best english ever
~mr. t vs escaflowne
~fly the copter



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