Infinitesimal version the second


I just got finished reading one of the BEST fanfictions I have ever read. It's called 'Never Forgotten' and it's an esca fic by Kus Kus on Really, this fic has just left me in awe....

*wanders off in awe*

serena was here @ 1:12 AM


Feeling better....sorta.

J is happy again because I'm going to the bull roast with him. Good for him. Now he's sick, got some kind of flu. I better not come down with anything or I'll kill him cuz I can't miss anymore time from work this year or they could fire me.

Work sucks. District Manager popped in for a surprise visit. Ooooh. Let me run and kiss your ass, sir. Not.

One good thing though. I found out that I'm getting back pay for some time I missed from work when they were supposed to pay me illness pay and didn't. So, not this paycheck, but the next one should be pretty fat. Yay, just in time for the holidays to suck it all up.

Does it show that I'm not really in a good mood?

serena was here @ 10:17 PM


Ooops, I did it again.

Somehow I always end up fucking myself over.

I'm such a fuck-up.

I promised the cuz I'd go to her Halloween party ages ago. I've really been looking forward to it. Halloween is my favorite holiday, I was gonna dress up and everything and have fun with my friends and family. BUT---

J and I got into a couple of big fights recently. He's mad because I don't do things with his friends so he says that they must think that I don't like them. He says I make excuses as to why I can't do things. He says it makes him look bad. It's not that I don't like his friends; I do. It's just that I am a very very very anti-social person. I would be happy staying shut up in my room all day by myself for weeks at a time. Trust me, I've done it. Alot of the things he wants me to do with his friends requires me to be around a bunch of people that I don't know. I get really uncomfortable in those types of situations. I feel like I don't belong. And, maybe part of me doesn't want to belong. Maybe it's leftovers from being unmercifully picked on as a child, I don't know. He says that is just an excuse, that I will never be comfortable in those situations unless I try...I tried to explain to him that I don't WANT to be in those fucking situations. I don't WANT to meet fucking strangers that I'll probably never talk to again in my whole fucking life. Why do I give a shit about going and doing things like that? He says that I should WANT to do these things just to be with him, and that I should WANT to do them for him. Why is he trying to change me? I hate change. I don't want to fucking change. Resistance is not fucking futile dammit! Anyway, his best friend invited us to go to a bull roast a couple of weeks ago and I didn't want to go, J and I fought, he wound up going by himself and being very bitter at me for not wanting to go. He told me that Ms. Joyce, his best friend's mother in law, was going to have tickets for another bull roast coming up and did I want to go to that one. He wasn't sure about the details, he said he'd find out later. Well, he had made me feel so guilty, and like a piece of shit for being so selfish all the time so that I agreed to go even though I really really really don't want to go. It's not my type of thing. I mean, I went over thier house for Easter....and felt so out of place even though they are the nicest people...but I am not part of their family or anything and I just felt awkward. Thats how I always feel.

So, D calls me tonight and is all excited telling me about who's all coming to her party. I'm excited too....until I realize that it's this Saturday....the same night as the fucking bull roast. I feel so bad. I can tell D is disappointed, even though she said she isn't and that she understands. But, hell, I'M disappointed. So, I call J to let him know that it was the same night and he's just like 'oh well'. I can tell that some tiny part of him is gloating. Then he's all like 'just go if you wanna. You fucking make any excuse and back out all of the time anyway.' Bull fucking shit buddy. I've done plenty of things with his friends. He only seems to remember the times that I don't want to do things though...selective memory or some shit. He says if it's not to late we can still stop by the party after the bull roast. But I wanna go to the party. I want to be with my friends. But I can't back out from this thing with J cuz he'll be all whiny and pissy and bring it up forever.

So, I'm fucked either way. Be miserable at the party, be miserable at the bull roast. And J is like 'You'll have a good time, I know you will.' Whatever. I've got news for you asshole, you can't force someone to have fun. Believe me, I know, my father already tried it on me when I was a kid.

It's really amazing how easy it is to spoil my good mood these days. *sigh*

serena was here @ 9:42 PM

Currently listening to the esca 'lovers only' soundtrack and wanting to cry cuz Yoko Kanno is such a goddess at creating beautiful music. I can say, honestly, the music from Escaflowne is some of the best music ever put to film...and damn, it was for a tv show, not even a movie. There's just so much feeling in her's hard to describe but I'm sure people will know what I mean, even if I don't myself. XD

Was in extreme silly mode all weekend.

Went shopping on Saturday. J and I went and picked Care Bear up from work and then we all went to lunch. Then we went to the mall. J's lil bro got me a $30.00 gift certificate to the local anime store, so I had to go and spend it right away. XD Care Bear was running through the store going 'look at this, Fruits Basket this...look, Fruits Basket that.' She does this on purpose of course. Being my best friend, she knows my weaknesses. So, I had to buy two Furuba posters and the character book....just cuz they were there waiting to be bought. Then, I ran all around the store pointing to the posters going 'Fru Baket! Fru Baket!' like some kind of happy idiot. Care Bear lost it, and J was trying to pretend he didn't know me. XD

Later we went to Giant to get Care Bear's perscription filled and we shopped while we were waiting. I kept pointing to random things on the shelves and yelling out what they were...toaster tarts became 'toader tards!' CB was like 'What?' Apparently she thought I said 'toaster farts'. *shakes head* Some people are so childish. XDXDXD After one incident when we passed some other people in an aisle with me yelling out random things J said to me in a loud voice 'Don't make me put the helmet back on you.' We were no more good.

We struck up a conversation in the Juice aisle with an elderly lady about how much Ocean Spray rocks over all other juice brands.

Then we finally went to CB's house where we watched 'Kung Pow'. I have to say that was one of the stupidest movies ever made....but somehow I found it highly amusing. I don't know, guess I just have a thing for stupid movies. *shrugs*

Sunday I got a call from aka Normal Steve. *waves* I know you read my blog so I can't say anything bad about you....just joshing. So, we hung and watched....Fruits Basket of course. What else would I be watching? XD (obesessed much? nah.)

I found my pointy purple velvet wizard's hat that my cuz won while on vacation at Toronto's Paramount theme park. She gave it to me cuz I like weird stuff. XD So, I wore it around the house while I did chores, like taking out the garbage and stuff. Just in case my neighbors started thinking I was normal or something. I don't want them getting the wrong idea or anything. Then, I wore it out to the car when J came with Anne to pick us up to see the movie. I barely got out of the house before J shouted 'Take that hat off!' Man, spoil my fun why don't ya? Geez. XD

Ya, so it's back to work now and silliness has to be put away until I get a few days in a row off again. That probably won't be until after New Year's, but one can hope.

serena was here @ 8:02 PM


Went to see 'The Ring'. I'm going to talk about it, so if you don't want to be spoiled, don't read anymore.


Ahem. Anyway, it was a higly disturbing movie. Well, it disturbed me at any rate. XD
I would seriously like to talk to the writers though becuase there was alot of stuff that was left unexplained in the film. The exact freakiness of the little girl, for instance. What was the deal? There are hints, but no real explanations as to what exactly is happening. Yes, she is a ghost, and yes, she is haunting people through this tape and through the phone. But they never tell you how. I'd like to know dammit. At the very beginning of the movie the two girls are talking and the one says something about all the electromagnetic waves that are in t.v.'s and in cell phones and how they do stuff to your brain cells. I don't think that little bit of info was in there for no reason. Psychic researchers like to believe that people's brains act the same way and can recieve or send out these waves also. So, the girl was some kind of freak...we get that much info. She could imprint pictures onto x-ray film, she could send other people images...and apparently she could manipulate the waves of the television and also the phone. But, you sort of have to deduce that for yourself. Also, at first they say that the kid is adopted, then they find a document saying that the woman did give birth to her. And the husband says 'she was never supposed to have children'. What's up with that? Why the hell is that info in there? They never tell the significance of it, so why the hell is it there dammit? Just to make people like me crazy wondering why it's there? Grr.
Well, despite all the stuff that I'm still wondering about, I came away with a freaky feeling. Seriously, I was afraid to come upstairs to my room when I got home. ^_^ My mom was like 'you're twenty-five for pete's sake.' I still waited for her to go up before I went up. XD The part at the end with the tv....*shudders*...very creepy. I was like 'Ack! Why do I have so many tv's in my room?' Er...yes, I have TWO tv's in my room, plus my computer monitor...the story of why I have two tv's in my room...well, one was a really good bargain. Who would pass up a tv for $15 bucks?

serena was here @ 10:20 PM


Thanks to everyone that wished me a happy birthday. It was a good day, despite the fact that my family didn't get me anything again. All they did was eat the cake that my friends from work got me. *sweatdrop*

My cuz got me a cool pair of corduroy overalls. I loooove them. XD Now I'm like farmer Joe. Wee~

My boyfriend is supposed to be taking me out tonight to celebrate since he got paid today. We'll see what happens. He's supposed to be on his way but I guess he's running late. That's nothing unusual. We're going shopping. I have coupons. Yay. Hope he gets here soon so that I have enough time to really get into my spree. XDXD

serena was here @ 5:39 PM


Today's the B-day. Work was ok, but I was soooo tired of being there. Eight days in a row will do that to you. But, now I'm off for three days so I am really happy. ^_^ I have so many plans for the weekend, but part of me really just wants to lay around and be lazy. XD

I haven't been productive at all the past week. Every time I try to write something nothing much comes out. I need inspiration. Maybe I need to watch Esca again.

Been downloading like mad lately. Thanks to Danny, I a now addicted to the highly genki music of Morning Musume. They are just so....bouncy. Like sugar shock or something.

Yum. Cake. XD

serena was here @ 6:08 PM



Tomorrow is my birthday. I will finally be a quarter of a century. Twenty-five is a grown up age....but I don't really feel grown up yet. I'm still a kid at heart. ^_^

Latoya and Karen surprised me with a birthday cake at work today. I was soooo surprised. No one ever got me a cake before. It was good, too. Yummy.

On to mild social bloggage:

Anne dear, please call me when you get back into town. Don't forget, we have to go see 'The Ring'. Friday night Jason and I are supposed to do something for my birthday, but I am totally free the rest of the weekend. Wee~ By the way, thank Amanda Panda for me for kidnapping you from college. ^_~

Charles...Where the heck have you been lately, boy? Hope beantown is treating you well. How's school going?

aka Normal Steve: d000d! Call me this weekend, I am off. Maybe we can hang or at least make plans to get together sometime and do movie stuff.

Care Bear~~Call me. I'll most likely be home this Saturday, maybe you can stop by on the way home from work (if you work this Sat) and pick up your cd's.

Er--I think that about covers everything.

serena was here @ 6:44 PM


*sigh* Got into another big fight with the boyfriend. Well, I can't really say fight because mostly he just jumped down my throat and brought up every little thing I've done wrong for the past six months or so. And all I did was say 'hello'. Jeez. I know he's all stressed but he doesn't have to take it out on me. He said 'I was in a really good mood before I saw you. You really know how to ruin my mood.' Oh, and let's not forget this one 'You are either dumber than a dog, or you just don't care because I tell you over and over the same thing all the time and even a dog can learn simple things after a while.' I must admit that I was a bit floored after that last one. I would have killed him on the spot but we were standing on the sidewalk and there would have been witnesses. He was being totally incoherent and just babbling all sorts of nonsense and then was mad when I was like 'What the hell are you talking about?' The incoherency I can forgive, the jumping down my throat I can forgive, but I'm having a little trouble with the meaness. Really it was the 'dumber than a dog' remark that got to me. It's not like J at all to be mean. We've been together for almost two years now and he's never acted like that before. He apologized for being mean. Then we discussed things. I told him why he is a jerk and he explained why he was don't wanna know, his thoughts make no sense sometimes. Suffice it to say, we both have some things we have to work on. Damn, being in a relationship is such a pain sometimes.

serena was here @ 10:39 PM


Well, they didn't fire me. I almost wish they would sometimes. That place is just going downhill so fast. There used to be 9 registers between Women's, Home Fashions and there's four and only at one location instead of spread all around the depts. I'm sick and tired of listening to customers complain about that, and also about there being no one on the floor to help them. Hey, I didn't think up this new model for Sears. I only do what they tell me to do....most of the time anyway. XD Well, I hate to see the place on Black Friday, cuz all hell is going to break loose. They are already having problems with lack of people ringing....they are gonna have to bring out more registers or something. It's gonna be fun though. ^_^

I'm feeling a little better. I'm going to the movies tonight sometime. Probably not til late. Supposed to see 'The Transporter'.

Oh god...the 'rents are watching La Bamba. *rolls eyes* It's a good movie, but I can only see it so many times. Jeez, ppl.

Hmm, gonna go eat. Pizza has arrived. Wee~~~~

serena was here @ 6:45 PM


Gosh, it's been a while since I blogged. Bad me.

I've been sick for the past few days so at least I have some sort of excuse. Of course, I've missed work again. Let's hope they don't decide to fire me tomorrow. *crosses fingers* Damn this stupid new attendance policy. *sigh* I wish I didn't have to work at all. I wish I were rich. Everyone always tells me that money doesn't solve anything and that it can't make you happy, but I'm thinking that at least it could remove a helluva lot of stress. XD

I finally got my hair cut....I think last week some time, or was it the week before? Damn, I've lost all sense of time. Anyway, I love how short it is now. Yay!

Also, I posted part one of my Celena-centric esca side-story. I'm really feeling the need to fic in some other fandom though. Esca is draining me of all willpower. Hmm, maybe I need to do a Fruits Basket fic. Wub the Fruits Basket. Become one with the Fruits Basket. XDXD

*is tired and sick*


serena was here @ 12:38 AM


Wah! I'm not getting my hair cut today, something came up and now I have to wait until wednesday. I'm so disappointed. grr.

I'm listening to the soundtrack to 'The Joy Luck Club'. I loooooove Rachel Portman. She is one of my favorite composers that does movie scores. She's big into string instruments. Wee~ The music is so sad though, I feel like having a good bawl. ^_^

"wanders off to find something to eat*

serena was here @ 6:28 PM


Well, I finally finished chapter fifteen of my massive esca fic. Go me.

I just finished watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I loooooove that show. Squeee.

Now I'm watching Boomtown. I don't know what I think about this show yet. It seems pretty good. We'll see.

I'm definately going to attempt to draw more of the comic tomorrow after work. Well, in between getting my hair cut. I'm really excited about getting my hair cut. I want to get it SHORT. Weee~

serena was here @ 10:05 PM



For once I'm not tired. And I really should be considering I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night.

Right now I'm jamming to Classical Thunder. Oh yeah. 0.o I'm such a geek.

This week is really going by fast. I can't wait because I work tomorrow......then I have off on Friday. Yay! Off on Friday! *breaks out into an Irish jig*

I actually worked on my esca fic today. Go me. The chapter still isn't finished yet though. Damn me.

Friday I'm going to try and finish my comic strip. *crosses fingers* And maybe I'll actually be able to come up with some sort of a name for it.

serena was here @ 10:47 PM

Gah. I'm so tired.

I bought Brotherhood of the Wolf today. I highly recommend this movie. Jason and I had seen it at the movies and I had to run right out and buy it as soon as it came out on DVD. ^_^

I've been working on my esca fic again aka the fic that won't die. I hope to have a chapter out by the end of the week. I don't know why it takes so long for me to write four lousy pages. Well, ok, I get distracted easily but still. I am going to make an effort to finish this damn fic so that I can move on with other projects.

Need to get to the bookstore tomorrow. My lunch hour is only so long. By the way,
dahling, I'm hoping you decide to write that Morwen fic. I'll be your bestest friend forever. You'd write it well; I know that if anyone could do it, it would be you. And if you need someone to beta.... ^_^

serena was here @ 12:03 AM


Been ficcing. Trying to get all this esca ficcage wrapped up so that I can move on with my life. ^_^;;;

Hopefully I'll be done with it all by the end of the year. That way I can start the new year with a clean slate...well, clean except for all the snippets and fic bunnies I have stashed around. Oh well, I guess that's about as clean as they come.

Sleep is good.

serena was here @ 11:30 PM

part of the Inuyasha marathon


alias: serena
aim: serenab4
email: here
site: simplicity
fic blog: unicorn blues
also blogs at: sml


This layout features Inuyasha, the (currently slightly grouchy) character from the series of the same name. Fonts are Velvet and Redensek, brushes are from Nocturna and Brushy. This layout was coded by Sophie for the Inuyasha marathon.

Inuyasha blog marathon:



~ethereal melody
~lucid dreaming
~omnikartera whamasu
~shameless name dropping
~stream of conscious
~w n p?

~in passing...

fave comics:

~never knew
~fate martyr sapheire


~best english ever
~mr. t vs escaflowne
~fly the copter



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