serena was here @ 9:46 PM
Well, I'm back from vacation. It was possibly the best vacation I've been on, barring the fact that my brother annoyed the hell out of everyone at all times. I promised Richard I'd draw some comics of our adventures so expect something along those lines sometime in the nearish future from me.
Went to Ohio
Visited the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
Drooled over John Lennon's glasses
Got lost in Cleveland
Ate way too much fast food
Got bit on the ass by a tame deer at a petting zoo
Visited the Toledo Zoo and watched a hippo consume it's own feces (fun!)
Went to a Merry-Go-Round museum and rode the Carousel (wee!)
Rode through Michigan in order to go to Detroit so that we could visit Canada
Got harrassed by Canadian Customs
Got lost in Canada
Got harrassed by U.S. Customs
Went to see Marci X
Took photos of anything and everything
Went to Cedar Point, the best place on Earth!
Rode ten coasters in two days
Rode Millenium Force (I can die happy now)
Went to Gravity Hill, PA...which was more like Gravity Miniscule Incline Located In The Backwoods Mountains If I Hear A Bango I'm Outta Here, PA
Was never more glad to be back home (and away from my brother)
Ah, so many great memories. *sigh* Goodtimes. :)
Oh, by the by, I'll be moving over to lj because Anne has so I must follow. Or something. ^_^ Here's the link.
serena was here @ 9:46 PM
Work was ok yesterday. I bought a new hat. Go me.
After work I hung out with Richard and Greg at Greg's place. He cracks me up. I told Richard that Greg is like a one man party, where ever Greg is, there's sure to be a party. Or at least a lot of drama. *g*
I stayed out pretty late last night (what was it, one thirty or something?) so I slept in this morning (well, not really, I was up at eight) and missed going shopping with my mom. I watched the VMA's that Shane had recorded. I was impressed by Coldplay. They sound great live. But, damn my mom. I wanted to go shopping. That ho. She slept in all late and stuff. I went to bed later than her. She's more lazy than I am. That pisses me off. I really want to go shopping and get some bargains but nooooo, stupid wench. Whatever.
Jason's supposed to be calling me soon. We're going over his cousin's house for food. She's a vegetarian, but I'm telling ya, they better have some dead meat or I'm throwing a fit and coming home. (Well, not really.) I really really really don't want to go. I don't want to go and be social with those people. Especially since I'm still kinda pissed at Jason because he doesn't realize how much he hurt my feelings the other night. Uncaring bastard.
I have so much to do to get ready for the trip and I have hardly any time. Wah. I hope we're not out long today. *grumbles about stupid family get togethers* I fucking hate holidays. I really do.
My brother is on my last fucking nerve. Seriously.
My friends and I planned this whole trip and made all the arrangements and everything. Then Shane gets pissed cuz we planned it without him and invites himself along for the ride because 'it was his idea'. Yeah....last fucking year it was his idea and we never went because he's a lazy ass and never makes any plans. So, we said fuck him and made our own plans. I'm trying to get some things together for the trip and he's just getting on my nerves. He won't lift a finger to help with anything! He just expects us to do everything while he sits on his duff. Well, fuck him. We're doing what we want on this trip and if he doesn't like it then we can drop his off on the side of the road somewhere. Fucking leech.
serena was here @ 12:14 PM
I talked to Greg last night on the phone for a long time and I feel a lot better now. He says Richard and him want me to hang out with them today but I sorta have plans with Jason, so I guess I'll just have to see what happens.
Today I want to:
Talk to Jason and get things resolved.
Go up to the flarmers market and secretly photograph the amish there.
Go to Fort Howard to take loverly photographs.
Go to Walmart (or Best Buy) and get more memory sticks for my camera.
Hopefully today will be a lot better than yesterday. And you know what? I've decided that even if Jason and I break up (eventually), even if it turns out these last three and a half years were nothing but a waste of time, I'm not going to be upset dammit.
He's so fucking psycho sometimes. We're not compatible? Why the fuck have we been going out for three and a half years for then? Just because I do some little thing that annoys him we're not compatible? You know, the problem lies with him, not me. I mean no one is one hundred percent compatible. Then you'd just be dating yourself and that would be boring. He pisses me off so much sometimes. I don't think he realizes how much he hurts me when he acts like that. *sigh*
I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. Because I've got one hellava vacation coming up and I'm going to enjoy dammit. He's not going to ruin my good time. Fuck him.
Anne, thanks for the hug. :)
serena was here @ 10:48 AM
Some days I really hate my life. This is one of them.
Jason makes me feel like I'm a bad person. I don't think he means to do it on purpose but it doesn't matter, it happens anyway. I'm so upset right now that I keep thinking about killing myself. Don't worry, I wouldn't ever. I'm too much of a chicken to go through with it. But thinking about it makes me feel better. Praying to God to let me please die now makes me feel better too.
I don't know what happened. We went to the movies and had a great time. Greg kept calling on my cell during the movie so I finally turned it off. When we got out of the movie I pulled out my phone to call Greg back to see what he wanted. He wasn't home so I left a message and then tried to check my voicemail only for some reason it wouldn't let me. Jason made some smart comment and I told him to shut up. Finally I got my voicemail to work and got my messages from Greg. Nothing life threatening so I was relieved (you just never know with him.) Jason was really cold to me the whole way home. He wouldn't talk to me. I kept asking if he was mad and he said no. When I went to kiss him goodnight he turned his cheek to me instead. It hurt so bad to be treated like that. I felt so small. Like a fucking insect or something repulsive. When I told him I loved him he said ok, see ya later. I felt so horrible. I must have done something wrong, right? It must have been me because he was fine one minute and then he wasn't so it has to be me, right? Something is really fucked up with me, right?
So, I called him at home a little while later. He said he feels like sometimes we're not compatible. He says this a lot. I asked him what brought it on this time. He said cuz I must not have a good time with him if I have to call Greg soon as we get out of the movies. I told him he misinterpreted that, he says not. Whatever. He's always right, I'm always wrong. But, I don't want to lose him. I don't want to be without him. I don't want to be by myself again. And it hurts thinking about it. It hurts thinking that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I've tried to be the person he wants. I try so hard. I don't know what else to do. He says he doesn't want me to change but then lists all this stuff about me that annoys him. He says he's not mad at me but that sometimes he feels like we're just friends and not a real couple because we don't act like other couples do. He likes to make out in public, I don't. Excuse me if I have some sense of modesty motherfucker. So what if I don't want to be groped in public? I don't think thats such a big fucking deal. Sometimes I think I want to break up but I don't want to be without him either. Then I won't have anyone.
I've never had someone tell me they love me until Jason. And I don't know what I'd do without that anymore.
serena was here @ 11:04 PM
It feels like it's been forever since I blogged but it's only been a few days. I guess it's just because so much has happened.
Work has been driving me up the wall. I swear I almost broke down in tears today. I kept jokingly telling everyone that I was going to go home and commit ritual suicide. Gah. I am SO glad that I'll be on vacation next week. And the week after that. XD
The trip to Cedar Point is coming up really fast. I can't wait. I think we'll have a great time. Of course my brother is going and he can be a major pain in the ass (he invited himself along). We can always ditch him on the side of the road somewhere in Ohio if he gets on our nerves too much. ^_~
There are so many things that I want to do during my week off after the trip. I doubt I'll get to any of it. That's usually how things work out.
The Maryland Rennaisance Festival is open now. I'm excited. Jason and I are planning to go the weekend after the Cedar Point weekend. And it just so happens that that weekend is Scottish weekend! *dances around thinking about guys in kilts* I'm taking my camera dammit. XD
serena was here @ 5:46 PM
I'm sooo glad I have off work today. I've been spending most of the day working on a photo manip which I posted up at dev. art.
I'm supposed to be hanging out with Jason tonight. I'll be happy to spend time with him, of course, but I feel like I have so much stuff to do and I only have until five thirty to get it done because then we'll be together. I just don't really want to be with anyone today. I want to relax by myself.
Care Bear is back from the cruise. Jason and I stopped over her house last night. She bought me a Hello Kitty doll from Epcot Center in Florida. She's so cute! She's in a kimono and just the most adorable little stuffed animal ever! *coos in delight*
I went to walmart and got two new barbies for my collection. Princess of the Vikings and Princess of Japan. They are both ubercool and now I must reorganize my shelf again.
Jason, Care Bear and I went out to White Marsh to go shopping. Care Bear said she had been deprived of anime for the past two weeks and was in need of a fix so we took her to the anime store. I was wearing the Furuba shirt that Jason bought me and the girl in the store loved it so we got to talking about anime a bit. Care Bear bought nothing but I got the OST's for Haibane Renmei (which I had been looking for) and Wolf's Rain. Wee.
We also stopped at Ikea and I molested my chair for a bit. I want that chair so bad. I'm seriously considering getting rid of my bed. Maybe when I get back from Ohio I'll redo my bedroom.
So much stuff...gah.
Oreo cookies good. Fire bad. XD *hands ki-chan an oreo*
Oh, and this one's for Charles: STEAK AND POTATOS! STEAK AND POTATOS! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
serena was here @ 2:32 PM
*munch munch munch*
I love you Oreo cookie.
*munch munch munch*
serena was here @ 12:28 AM